And if you know your 'History'...

History is a funny thing. You can make it. You can re-write it. I've got a degree in it. More importantly and in the context of this blog post, there's a phrase or should I say concept that is often banded around in the football world. That being the concept of a football team having 'History'.

Firstly I'm going to explain this concept for anyone that may not be as au fait (what the hell are you doing reading a blog on football it you're not?). In the last 20 years football has been transformed from a sport in which a few teams were dominant but outsiders stood a chance if they worked hard and luck went their way; to a game dominated by teams that are able to spend more money on a single player than some of the other competitors in their division spend assembling whole squads. With the increasing influence that money has has on the game there has been an influx of billionaire 'Sugar Daddys' purchasing average football clubs such as Chelsea, Manchester City & Paris Saint Germain and turning them into superpowers with the waive of a chequebook. As a result of this, naturally, there are a lot of jealous football fans and these football fans begrudge the likes of Chelsea stating that one of the main reasons for their dislike of them being that they don't have any 'History'. 'History' is essentially the footballing equivalent of 'Old Money', the concept of a team having the right to be successful because they have in the past and that newly successful teams have less right to 'mix it with the big boys', so to speak.

Personally I am not a fan of the concept of 'History' aka the footballing equivalent of the divine right of kings. There are a number of reasons for this, the first being that it's such a vague concept. A good 'History' is very hard to quantify, well nobody ever has quantified it for me. Do you consider a team that has won 10 trophies in the past to have 'History' or is it 15 or even 20? When looking at volume of trophies won shouldn't you also take into consideration how prestigious or difficult it was to win each one? For example you cannot equate a League Title won to a Zenith Data Systems Trophy (remember that one on Midweek Sports Special? Anyone who does, give yourself a pat on the back), a Southern League Title (West Ham won one of those once, and you don't hear me bleating on about it*) or even more relevant to modern day football a Littlewoods/Rumbelows/Coca Cola/Carling/Captital One Cup. I don't care what anyone says, not even two Rumbelows Cups equate to a League Title in my books!

*I may not bleat on about it but if I hear any more crap about teams not having 'History' I'm gonna write to West Ham suggesting we should have a star on our badge for our Southern League Title.

If your team won a trophy in this 'get up' you can say they have 'History'

Additionally, how long ago does a trophy have to have been won to be counted as 'History'? There are professional footballers who won't be old enough to vividly remember Chelsea's 1997 FA Cup victory, the trophy that is seen to have kicked off their period of relative domestic success. Yet Chelsea are the first team name on the lips of all critical wannabe 'Footballing Historians'. That trophy was won 16 years ago, how far back do I have to go? I feel a bit sorry for Chelsea (only a tiny bit), I bet Liverpool and Manchester United fans didn't have Sunderland and Aston Villa fans coming to them in the 1980's and 1990's saying that they had no 'History', that their success was worth nothing because when their teams were dominant you couldn't barge the goalkeeper over the line once he'd caught the ball (the protection that keepers get nowadays eh) and that their players never had to spend 5 days down a coal mine then  recover to wallop the opposition on a Saturday afternoon. Or did Sunderland and Villa fans (in case you're unsure as to why I'm picking Sunderland and Villa; they both can be argued to have 'History' in my eyes, especially when you go back to the earlier part of the 20th century) get stick off of fans of The Wanderers and Blackburn Rovers where does it end? Where does it end??

Another thing that really irks me regarding the concept of 'History' are the common misconceptions that people have with regards to teams that have 'History'. A typical example, and I swear I'm not picking on them, they spring to mind because I come across them all the time, is when I hear Sp*rs fans say that Manchester City have no 'History'. Now I'm not saying that Man City have 'History' but up until 3 years ago both Sp*rs and Man City had won the same number of league titles (that's 2 for those of you who didn't know, can't believe you didn't know that). I've then heard Sp*rs fans in the same breath, suggest that they have 'History' or have had periods where they dominated English football (and if you think I'm lying I'll 'out' said Sp*rs fans). Firstly I'd just like to make one thing clear, Tottenham Hotspur have NEVER had a period where they have dominated English football. Yes they were a strong side in the 60's and they have won the FA cup on a number of occasions (7 or 8, I can't remember off the top of my head and I can't be bothered to look it up) but they have not dominated English football. Secondly in my books 2 league titles is pretty comparable to 2 league titles. YES Sp*rs have won a hell of a lot more FA Cups but then anyone can win the FA Cup. Names are drawn out of a hat for Christ's sake, you could have the easiest draw in the world and get to the final, then the luck could be on your side on that one day. That's exactly what happened to Wigan this year and they got relegated. I mean West Ham have won the FA Cup 3 times! Speaking of  West Ham, I've even had people suggest to me that we have 'History'. We DO NOT have history! That's right. I said it, I don't care that West Ham are my team I'm being honest, fans need to sit and read a football history book before they start chucking the H-bomb about.

Finally let me set the record straight for all of you out there, well anyone that's still interested in Travis Newton's Whistle Stop Guide to English footballing history, most of you will have probably stopped reading by now. I must explain before I start naming names, in my eyes winning the League Title is the ultimate prize in football and is a true barometer of a teams strength as they will have, by winning it, proved that they are the best team in the land over a period of around 40 games; playing everyone else of a similar standard home and away over a 10 month period. No domestic cup competition can compare to the League Championship however the FA Cup is a prestigious competition which, it can be argued, is generally taken seriously by all teams big or small (except for that time when Man Utd went off to the World Club Cup and got schooled by Romario and Edmundo). The Littlewoods/Rumbelows/Coca Cola/Carling/Capital One Cup on the other hand is right down on the pecking order, anybody claiming to have 'History' who has mainly (or only) enjoyed success in that tournament needs  a serious talking to and will receive one if I ever find out about them. Now that I've set your expectations I'd like to declare that the following teams have 'History' and therefore their fans are allowed to sing the song that goes, "And if you know your history! Well it's enough to make your heart go! Woah! Woah! Woah! Woah...!" Anyone else is banned from doing so in my presence.

Liverpool
God I hate Liverpool, their fans are so smug and they are the biggest users of the H-bomb. Unfortunately you cannot argue with their claim to 'History'. They've even won the Littlewoods/Rumbelows/Coca Cola/Carling/Capital One Cup more times than anyone else.

Manchester United
The, self proclaimed, benchmark of English footballing dominance (in my eyes Liverpool are still more successful even at 20 titles to 18). It's testament to their success that I don't like them but can't actually think of a reason other than pure jealousy.

Arsenal
Kings of Southern England, nobody south of the Watford Gap comes anywhere near to these guys in terms of success. Anyone who suggests otherwise has either been smoking crack or is bad at addition, end of.

Everton
One that often slips under the radar of even the most learned football fan. I'm often accused of favouring them due to the ties I've had with them in the past. For those of you with lives and friends and that made it this far down (I'm not sure why you'd still be reading if you have a life), they have 9 League Titles, 5 FA Cups and a European Cup Winners Cup. They also are second in the list of teams with the longest run in the top flight AND even more importantly they sing, "And if you know your history..." THAT! My friends, is what you call 'History'.

Aston Villa
These guys can't be over looked in my eyes. Yes they've not had the most enjoyable last 15 years thanks to the likes of David O'Leary and Alex McLeish; but you cannot argue with 7 League Championships, 7 FA Cups, 5 Littlewoods/Rumbelows/Coca Cola/Carling/Capital One Cups and even a European Cup. And that European Cup was won in my lifetime (and I'm young guys, so that was pretty recent). Villa dominated the 1890's and I suspect (begrudgingly) that they were the inspiration behind West Ham's colours (although we traditionally have white socks), seen as we were formed in 1895. Imagine having so much 'History' that other teams copy your kit eh... Cough! Sunderland!

Other notable mentions are the likes of Sunderland and Blackburn Rovers. Although I'd argue that these teams like Newcastle, Tottenham, Chelsea, Man City, Sheff Weds and Sheff Utd have enjoyed some success but cannot sing the history song or claim to have 'History'.

And that, my readers, is a history of English Domestic Football according to me. You may disagree. You may think I have too much time on my hands. You may not care! You may only sing, "And if you know your history..." if you support Liverpool, Manchester United, Arsenal, Everton or Aston Villa (or maybe The Wanderers).

PS The Confederations Cup start this weekend!!!!

The impending European Championships and my most recent "...but England aren't even playing!" moment

It feels like everywhere I look I see this pic

I am fudging excited about the European Championship, I've been scouring the internet for related websites for news, stats and old videos (yes I'm that sad), I've set the BBC Euro 2012 Website as my homepage at work, I'm following Euro2012Tweets on Twitter, I'm doing it all. And then came the news. At work I'm currently involved in a project, in which we're trying to implement a new IT system. The User Acceptance Testing phase of the project is due to start in June however we are slightly behind schedule, some bright spark has suggested we work after hours for 2/3 weeks in June. After hours being from 5pm (kick off time of the 1st game in the day) to around 9pm so basically I will see none of the tournament. My response was simple, "No!" No way! No chance, not even if they gave me quadruple pay. At one point I could see that they were close to suggesting that it'd be OK as they'd make sure I'd get to see all the England games... Upon reflection they thought better about going down that route. The weird thing is, and this is genuinely weird, you may even say laughable, I had a dream a few months ago that I missed Euro 2012. At the time, I kid you not, I woke up in a cold sweat and thanked god that it was just a dream, now it looks as if my nightmare may become reality (how melodramatic do I sound).

Let's move onto some positive stuff, I sense the tone of that last paragraph wasn't in keeping with the rest of this blog so far. So here's what I call a "brain dump" of my thoughts re Euro 2012.

First things first, England. England apparently played out a pretty drab 1-0 win against Norway on Saturday.  I didn't see any of it because my weekend basically consisted of barbecuing every piece of meat in site and watching the West Indies struggle to a 9 wicket defeat against England at Trent Bridge. Yes my second sporting passion is Cricket, not that FC Twente 20 rubbish or any other form of 1 Day pyjama Cricket, proper red ball, white clothes, don't score a run for 20 minutes, Test Match Cricket. Love Test Match Cricket me, unfortunately I'm a massive West Indian fan and just like the other "West" in my life (that of the "Ham" variety) they're useless and continually disappoint me. So on Saturday I spent the day praying they'd get some wickets and eating burgers, and got so carried away with the outdoor lark that I totally missed the England football team hand Norway "One hell of a beating". I'd love to name some famous Norwegians in the style of the fella in the link but I don't really know any. Erm, "My Mate Marlon (who lived in Norway for a short while, but is from Harrow)! John Arne Rise! The Hot Blonde Girl at Uni that didn't talk much! Tore Andre Flo! Havard Flo! Jostein Flo! Flo Jo! Your boys took a hell of a beating!" Well not quite from what I hear and now Gareth Barry is out, which I don't see as a major blow, he hasn't even been replaced by another midfielder. Saying that Jordan Henderson is terrible, I'd have called up a player in a different position just to avoid choosing him too. Fact of the matter is, England wont get knocked out because they were missing Barry, no we'll choose some other scapegoat. On a side note, I see that Wayne Rooney is 33/1 to be top scorer I'm willing to bet anyone he won't score more than 2 goals in the tournament, I'll come back to this when England are eliminated and see if I'm right.

In other team news, the Italians are embroiled in another match fixing scandal they've dropped Criscito as a result and Mauri has been arrested. Anybody with decent knowledge of international football history will know that this pretty much means Italy will win the tournament, as their last two World Cup triumphs both came off the back of match fixing scandals. The other 15 teams don't stand a chance.

Will he sort himself out?

Fernando Torres has made the Spain team despite being about as deadly in front of goal as Emile Heskey in the past 18 months and seemingly at the expense of Roberto Saldado who I think can feel a litle hard done by seen as he has been very un-Emile Heskey like. Soldado has 3 goals in 4 games for Spain including two in a recent Friendly against Venezuela. Torres has... erm secret videos of Vicente Del Bosque in compromising situations? God knows?? Luckily Del Bosque saw sense and took Fernando Llorente from Athletic Bilbao otherwise he'd have had me the whole of the Basque Country to answer to.

Germany lost on Saturday. I'm not sure how or why, but I do know that none of their Bayern Munich players played. I said the Germans would win this tournament over 2 years ago, in the face of all the Spanish bandwagoners, and am sticking to my guns. A lot of other people are now starting to defect to Ze Germans, pfft I set trends rather than follow them. All I need now is Mario Gomez to do at Euro 2012 what he's being doing at club level for a while.

I'll be back later this week with another 10 Things (it'll be European Championship related), I'll leave you with this BBC video of the best of Euro 88...

From the Bernabeu to the Etihad

A hell of a lot has gone on in club football in the last week, that goes without saying as we are currently at the business end of the European football season. As much as I love watching football there's a certain level of satisfaction I get every year from the season's conclusion in May. It's like reading a long novel or sitting through a long film and finally getting to the end, you almost feel like you've achieved something as you've experienced the journey from beginning to end.

Contrary to what the title of my blog will have you believe I managed to miss what is being dubbed as the best conclusion to the Premiership title race since its inauguration in 1992. I even read a tweet from one football fan that even dared to suggest that this was the greatest climax ever, even more exciting finish than that of the 1988/89 season when Thomas went "charging through the midfield". I won't go into that because my 10 Things for this week is going to be based on that but what I'm trying to say is, is that I missed all of the kerfuffle. Despite consistently (avidly) following the Premiership, even with the absence of West Ham, from day one in August, I left the cinema before the epic film ended. This weekend I broke my own self-imposed rule of making sure that I watch all major and potentially dramatic goings on in the footballing world as I went on a trip to Madrid. Hey! It's not like England were playing!

I landed in Madrid on Friday morning to be advised that I'd missed Atletico Madrid's Europa League vitory parade by about 12 hours, gutted. Being the self-righteous football fan that I am I have a soft spot for Los Colchoneros as they're the poorer relation to the all conquering , world renowned beast that is their cross town rivals Real Madrid. I am well aware that Atletico are by no means minnows, for a start this was their second Europa League triumph in three seasons and in the past they've won league championships galore, I will however always favor them over Spain's more popular big boys. I watched the Europa League final last Wednesday hoping that Bilbao (my Spanish team) would do a job on them, especially upon hearing that there was a potential nautical celebration (god I love Bilbao and their quirks), but in the back of my mind I had a bad feeling what with Atletico's form under the stewardship of Diego Simeone (of David Beckham sending off fame), their destruction of Valencia in the semi finals and Radamel Falcao's ridiculous goalscoring record in the competition; the Europa League would, like me, be heading to Madrid. And i was right. Falcao was immense and pretty much ended up being the difference between the two sides. For anyone that missed the game (shame on you) the goals are here.

So as I was saying, I arrived in Madrid at a time when their two biggest clubs had been newly crown kings of Spain (I'm sure Ashley Giles may contest that title) and kings of the Also Rans in European football respectively. to make up for the fact that I was missing what could potentially be one the defining weekends in the future of English football I decided that I should visit one of the spiritual homes of football, the
Santiago Bernabeu Stadium; and my well connected girlfriend managed to sort it all out so that it ended up being totally free.

I think they get a few more than one man and his dog in each week...

First thing I'll say about the Bernabeu is that it is absolutely HUGE (see above) and this is coming from somebody who has been to the new and old Wembleys, The Millennium Stadium and other fair sized grounds. It's just so massive, especially for something that's basically been plonked in the middle of the streets of Madrid. What I like about it is that the stands are right on top of the pitch, I can imagine it being pretty intimidating for the opposition and as someone who's struggled at times when being jeered by a couple of guys at the side of the pitch on a Sunday I can see why many players and referees may crumble when faced by 80,000 Madridstas. The main thing I'll take away from the whole thing is how much of a commercial brand Real Madrid are. The tour pretty much consisted of screeching hyperactive Spanish kids, smelly old men and smiling staff who only seemed to be on hand to either offer you the chance of having your photo taken and superimposed onto images of Jose Mourinho or direct you to the club shop, which was bigger than most UK high street stores. I'd like to think that a tour of the San Mames would be a lot more about the football and history and less commercial... yeah right!

On Sunday my focus was away from the football. As I enjoyed the 30+ degree Madrid heat, back in England things were getting exciting. As I had no intention of paying extortionate fees for roaming abroad on my mobile phone I checked the scores as I left my hotel at around 16:15 English time and could see that United were ahead and City were drawing. Trying not to appear desperate for my football fix to my girlfriend (she really doesn't get football) I resisted checking the score again until we got back to our hotel about an hour later. At this point I could see that the situation was the same although City were now drawing after initially taking the lead. I had no idea that Joey Barton had lost his mind (again) and that QPR were down to 10 men and the next time I checked the scores was long after the final whistles. I can remember seeing Vincent, or "Van San" as Martin Tyler says, Kompany on the front of the BBC Sport website holding up the Premiership trophy with a massive grin on his face and thinking, "Thank god! Justice has prevailed and Man City naturally overpowered QPR." WRONG! What had actually happened was I'd missed the greatest, or 2nd greatest if you support Arsenal and are old enough to remember 1988/89, ending to the English top flight season. What's worse is back in 1989 I missed all the excitement too. My mum had forced me to go with her to a Tupperware party!! Add that to the 1996 FA Cup final fiasco and you can see why I have such a dislike for people wanting to distract me from major footballing moments. Once again Sunday, like May 1989, was another occasion where England weren't even playing but look at what happened...

PS I'd like to make it clear that Madrid was amazing and it was well worth missing Sunday's action.

England's Number 1!!

On a side note on Saturday West Ham have their biggest game of the season, the Championship Playoff Final versus Blackpool. Despite the fact that we comprehensively beat Blackpool twice this season I am not confident at all. I absolutely hate the concept of the Playoffs especially with West Ham finishing quite a few points clear of all of our fellow Playoff combatants. At least we get to go to Wembley, it's going to be an absolute boozefest. Please God, make Blackpool roll over like Cardiff did. And note to Big Sam, start with Lansbury in goal, it worked last time.

Cardiff City v West Ham Playoff Semi Final 1st Leg - My humble thoughts

Collision puts West Ham  in charge

So! Two nil to the cockney boys after 90 minutes. First things first can Sky stop saying how no team has ever turned around a two goal deficit after a playoff first leg. Stats like that serve only one purpose and that is being overturned.

If you ask my flatmates they'll say judging from the noise I made and the expletives that left my mouth we'd lost it 2-0, but as one correctly pointed out to the other when he arrived at half time and asked, "who (was) winning 2-0?" Had it been Cardiff the TV certainly wouldn't still have been on Sky Sports 1 and there's a chance it may not have even been on the stand.

On to the game, Big Sam went in with the team he started the game at Leicester last week with which seemed like a pretty sensible choice. Cardiff were much better at the beginning hitting the bar in the opening minute or two but then West Ham managed to wrestle control of the game. At the risk of upsetting any Cardiff fans who may read this (who am I kidding, as if word of my blog is reaching as far as Wales), I thought they were a little one dimensional, especially in the first half. Their main threat came from long throws into the West Ham box, god I hate long throws (mainly because West Ham don't have anyone who can take them well enough for us to benefit from them), wait til I do a "10 things I hate about Football" that'll be in there! Anyway as I was saying, I didn't feel Cardiff offered much to be fair, especially for a side pushing to get into the Premier League.

I have to say both of West Ham's goals were incredibly fortunate, Vaz Te did well to get the cross in for the first one and Collison (or "Collision" as my flat mate calls him???) managed to scramble it in. The second goal was even more lucky, in real time I thought Collision had just hit the shot really well thus beating the Cardiff keeper however the numerous replays showed it took a massive deflection.

Nolan celebrating another back post tap in

From then on West Ham didn't make the most of the chances they had to kill off the game. Cole forced a good save from the keeper, other than that he was the usual Carlton Cole for me, lethargic and appearing as if running through treacle when chasing through balls. Sorry guys, but I'm really not a fan of Carlton Cole, everyone that doesn't watch West Ham thinks he's some sort of goalscoring god at Upton Park, I always get , "he's your best player..." shouts from fans of other clubs. HE IS NOT OUR BEST PLAYER by a longshot. Neither is Kevin Nolan, another waster of game killing chances this evening. I often wonder whether I'm just not as good a reader of the beautiful game as I think I am when I hear commentators wax lyrical about Nolan because I just don't get what the fuss is about. If footballing ability was about stealing in for a tap in at the back post then doing some weird chicken dance or rowing with everybody that looks in your direction then Nolan would be plying his trade for a side chasing the Premiership trophy. Unfortunately it's not, to me Nolan always looks a little off the pace and I can never quite tell whether he's there to bolster the midfield or support the attack, at times he looks lost. As I said, maybe just me.

Have you seen this man lingering around Upton Park?

So West Ham have a 2-0 to take back to the Cardboard Box Fortress that Upton Park has been this year. I'd have loved it to have been 3 then I could breathe a little easier, forgive my pessimism but I've seen us in this position too many times at home this season, against Burnley and Reading I was calculating where we'd be with our well earned 3 points only for them to come back and leave us with none. Against Middlesbrough  we mocked their sub who bore a resemblance to Patrick Kluivert only for him to tuck one home and steal two points from us and that has been the story all season; not that lookalikes of 90's Dutch superstars make appearances at Upton Park (although I'd have like to have seen Ed De Goey or Edgar Davids or even Glen Helder) but that we just chuck leads away. Personally I think we often try and sit on very fragile leads, even in this game we found ourselves defending really deep at the end and but for some wasteful Cardiff finishing our lead going into the second leg could have been smaller or even non existent. It is for that reason that I currently have a smile on my face but I know we're a long way from the Twin Towers Arch thing that you can see from literally anywhere in North East London and even further from the Premier League.

10 Things: Week 1 – 10 Things I like about football

So every week one of my blog posts is going to be a list of 10 things, this week I’ve started on something straightforward. These are the 10 things I like about, or in, football.

West Ham

Yep! I’m a West Ham fan, I currently live in East London but have only done so since October of last year. I spent the first 30 years and eleven months of my life living round the corner in Enfield (North East London to those of you not in the know) the stomping ground of many a Tottenham fan. As a result I cannot stand “that lot” but I won’t go into all that seen as this is post is all about the things I like about Football. Despite them being utterly useless at home this season; them not winning a major trophy since 5 months before I was born; them messing up their FA Cup Final ticket allocation in 2006 (I only got a ticket because I wrote a letter of complaint); despite all the disappointment I like them, that’s probably an understatement but like a child of a single mother whose deadbeat dad keeps failing to deliver on his promise of taking him for a day out, I forgive them every time and hope that this time I’m wrong! That this time the person opening the gate at the end of drive is my dad with a football in his hand! Come on dad! Win the playoffs and get back into the Premier League!

NB I mean no offence to single mothers or fathers or to their children. I also don’t really know where that metaphor came from as neither of my parents were a single parent. Please don’t hate me.

Everton

I like Everton, I know I’m not allowed to support another English team and I can guarantee I do not support Everton (although up until last year I had a membership and would go to their games in London if West Ham weren’t at home). It basically all started when I met my ex-wife many years ago, I can remember one of the very first conversations we had went something along the lines of, “I don’t really watch football, I suppose I’d have to say I support Everton as my dad does. He’s from Liverpool…” Fast forward a few years and she was a fully fledged fan who’d drag me to Everton games and was pretty knowledgeable, barring one occasion where upon seeing “DR Congo 2 - 0 Zaire” flash up on the screen during an African Nations Cup game she turned to me and asked, “What the hell is Doctor Congo?” Despite being mocked and vilified by my friends I still have a soft spot for Everton; for anyone who’s not big on Geography, to clear things up, it’s The Democratic Republic of Congo.

Athletic Bilbao

Can I just point out I liked Athletic Bilbao before they smashed Man United in the Europa League this year and everyone else jumped on the bandwagon, if anything the bandwagon jumped on me! Yeah! Is that even possible? I’m not sure how it all started? I think I used to just choose them on an old version of Pro Evo or something like that, but my feelings have developed to the point that I probably see more of Bilbao than I do of most English teams. For me there’s a romanticism/honesty about a team that only plays players from the region in which they’re based.

Foreign Football

I can't see!

Don’t get me wrong I love a good FA Cup tie on a muddy non-league pitch on a windy Saturday afternoon in January but I do like a bit of foreign football. I like how when teams score the crowd makes a different noise because they don’t say, “Yeah!” I like flares and big banners that cover half a stand but always think to myself, “what if you’re stuck in the middle of all that and want nothing to do with being under the banner?”, I’d probably be that person. I like when teams score a last minute winner and they jump over the advertising hoardings onto a running track to celebrate with the fans (maybe West Ham moving to the Olympic stadium won’t be so bad?). The Italian league isn’t boring and defensive. The Spanish league isn’t full of diving cheats (there are some), The French league isn’t… ok I don’t watch the French league, not even since Joe Cole’s been there, it’s just boring. Oh and the Scottish league, I reckon my Sunday team could compete in that!

The World Cup

The World Cup is the greatest concept in the history of mankind.  You know when you we’re at school and the teacher said you we’re going to play a game instead of having a normal lesson and everybody made that, “Yesssssssss!” sound. Well that feeling was nothing. That Christmas when you got that toy you wanted but had no idea that you were going to get so it was a total surprise… well it’s half the feeling I have when it hits about a month before a World Cup. The world is a different place every time a World Cup comes along, fashion changes, jobs change and football changes. Well I say that, some things don’t change. England turn up talking about winning it an emulating “The boys of 66” regardless of whether we scraped past FYI Macedonia in qualifying (I’m aware it’s “FYR”). Italy will be branded as negative even if they win every game by at least 3 goals and playing 3 up front. Brazil games will feature shots of random decent looking tanned girls in the stands and be described as having a “carnival atmosphere” and Argentina will play a game where somebody gets sent off. Love a good World Cup me!

European Championships

The European Championships are like Easter is to Christmas (although I actually prefer Easter, the weather is normally nicer) or like finding out that the game you are going to play in your lesson at school is going to be “educational”. They’re good, very good but it’s not quite the same. No “carnival atmosphere” for a start.

The Randomness of the African Cup of Nations

This had to get a mention, I’ve seen “Doctor Congo”, goats grazing at the side of the pitch, sending offs galore, penalty shoot-outs that last about 20 kicks… I’ve seen a game stopped after about 20 minutes because the referee realised a goalie was wearing the same colour top as the opposition but only after he caught the ball in a melee following a corner. Amazing competition.

Underdogs

I always root for the little guy; it’s what football is all about. I think it’s one of the reasons I like Everton and Bilbao. There’s nothing sweeter than pulling a victory out when you weren’t fancied at all. Let me say this though, I DO NOT like underdogs when West Ham are playing them! Aldershot! Sheffield Wednesday! Know your place and roll over!

Ronaldo (The real one)

That’s right, not the cocky, arrogant Portuguese dude that plays for Real Madrid, I mean he’s good but he’s not a living legend like THE Ronaldo. Can I just clear things up; Ronaldo must never be referred to as fat! Buck toothed maybe but not fat! I think it isn’t appreciated how good he was nowadays because a lot of people remember him being that chubby dude that struggled his way through the 2006 World Cup. Even then he still managed a trademark break away from the last man and do somestep-overs to go round the keeper goal against Ghana but his performances in that tournament were a far cry from those that tore both the 1998 and 2002 World Cups to shreds. And let’s not forget the “Carnival Atmosphere” whenever he played (and the Nike adverts).

Alessandro Del Piero

I’d just like to say, love this man! He is an absolute legend second only to Ronaldo in my eyes. I’d also like to say I’m not gay (nothing wrong with being gay but I’m not) however if I had to choose a man to be married to (we would NOT sleep together just live in matrimonial bliss) it’d be Alex D! He’s the man!

Notable other mentions that didn’t make the list

Spurs’ inconsistent form EVERY season

Arsenal

The song they play at the end of Barcelona games

Watching Uruguay

Diego Forlan (see above)

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Carlos Tevez

Romario

Ludek Miklosko, “He comes from near Moscow…”

Strikers that barely move but always score

Manchester City despite the money

In the beginning…

So what’s this all about? If you follow me on Twitter or you’re lucky enough to be a friend of mine on Facebook you’ll have probably noticed I say the odd witty thing or two and I'm prone to rant every now and then. I had the idea of writing a blog a while ago and spoke to a friend (who shall remain nameless) who was also considering writing one, but I faced a massive question when thinking of creating a blog, what the hell am I going to write about?? Especially what the hell do I have to say that people on the internet will want to hear? Well this first entry is going to kind of give an outline of what to expect from me on here and probably scare a few of you off.

Who am I? I’m Travis Nigel Newton, I included the ‘Nigel’ cos I like my middle name despite the fact that every time someone discovers it’s my middle name they say the same thing, “Nigel?? Really? Oh! …I mean it’s ok as a middle name I suppose…”. I digress (I do a lot of that) as I was saying, I’m Travis Nigel Newton and I’m a 31 year old divorcee from North London, I’m basically a black cockney Elizabeth Taylor, except for I’ve only been married the once so far. This is the bit where it gets interesting (I think) I consider myself an aspiring comedian. Let me manage your expectations, I’ve written down a fair bit of material and have done some open mic stand-up comedy a handful of times in the past year, HOWEVER I’m no Peter Kay or Michael Macintyre or even that other Macintyre fella that goes around exposing crooks. So expect many a cheap gag in here (there’s been a few already) but don’t hate me if I’m not that funny.

In addition to making comments to people that have the potential to tickle them I watch a lot of football and cricket, see where I’m going with this. So this blog will a lot of times end up being a brain dump of my observations and opinions on these two subjects especially football, hence its name. My aim is to post an entry on here two or three times a week and at times when I have a lot to say or there is a lot going on in my world then maybe I’ll treat you to maybe four or five entries.

On to the title of the blog, this comes from a phrase I hear every time there is a major football championship on, in other words every two years, and a friend invites me out or suggests watching something other than the football while there is a game on TV that I want to see (which is pretty much every game). My name is Travis and I’m addicted to major international football tournaments! I feel almost relieved to have got that off my chest, like an alcoholic at their first AA meeting, except for I don’t want to give up my addiction. No way! On top of my guilty pleasure, which isn’t even that ‘guilty’ I’m a bit of a geek when it comes to them. See I’ve got a degree in History, naturally I’m not doing anything directly related to it career wise like 99% of graduates, but my interest in History has made me a massive freak for facts and figures and on top of that I’ve got a ridiculously good memory. For example I can remember sitting in my mum’s living room in the summer of 1990 at the age of 9 watching Francoise Oman Biyik heading Cameroon into the lead in the opening game of the World Cup. I actually missed the goal because being a 9 year old with an attention span the length of Spurs’ current unbeaten run, I’d got up to go and get a yoghurt. I kid you not when I say this, I remember that game, I even remember that it was on ITV and that the first game that BBC showed it that tournament was Romania v The USSR the next day. That’s right The USSR to any kids reading this (pfft, like kids read these days, all they do is mug each other in hoodies for Pokémon cards), back when I was a kid they wore red just like in Rocky IV and had CCCP on their shirts, for years I actually thought it was a sponsor, and we were all scared of them cos they were evil communists who were going to launch nuclear weapons at us. In addition to all this they were pretty handy when it came to sporting events, maybe that’s what England/Team GB need this summer to be successful in Euro 2012 and the Olympics? A communist government! Anyway I’m massively digressing again, the point is I love all that stuff and treasure every memory like an old man handing out Worther’s Originals to his grandchildren. Who remembers Ray Houghton stunning Italy in 1994 on that Saturday evening or Zubizarreta fumbling that Nigerian cross into his own goal in 1998? I bloody well do, and let me tell you something about all the games I’ve mentioned so far, England weren’t playing in any of them. I’d have missed all of those moments had I restricted myself to just the games that England were playing in, don’t get me wrong, every so often you sit and watch an absolute stinker at one of these major tournaments, Bulgaria v Paraguay in 1998 WAS NOT a classic nor was Bolivia v South Korea in 1994 or any of Greece’s games in Euro 2004 (Greece were basically the international equivalent to Sam Allardyce’s Bolton side). That being said I can guarantee  anyone reading this who knows me well enough to invite me to attend a social event this June, you will need to give it some serious thought. I’m not saying I won’t attend, I’m not saying I won’t enjoy myself or that I’ll hate you. What I am saying though is “…but England aren’t even playing” is not a selling point!

Hope you enjoy my ranting…