So we're well underway now! Three games into the Season and it's a
familiar feeling down at Upton Park. So familiar in fact that if you looked at
our results at the beginning of last season under the tactical guru that is Sam
“Allardichi” you’ll find we had made exactly the same start.
But the media won’t tell you that though. It was all rosy when
Allardyce was in charge, we sauntered through the league disposing of sides
like Leicester with ease. We were like the Barcelona of the East End of London.
No actually scrap that! We were the Harlem Globetrotters, Adrian would spin the
ball on his finger while the crowd whistled that Harlem Globetrotters theme.
You know that theme. I’m whistling it now!
That’s it! Under Big Sam West Ham were the Premier League’s
equivalent to the Harlem Globetrotters. I mean, we even qualified for Europeancompetition last year…
Now the wheels have fallen off. Now Slaven Billic, another one of
those Foreigners, with his fancy ideas and lack of substance, has come in and
ruined all the hard work that Big Sam did. And West Ham and their fans deserve
it! That’s right we deserve it because we hounded Allardyce out when he was
performing a minor miracle getting plucky little West Ham, who only average
34,000+ at home you know (just a thousand less than the likes of Sp*rs, I mean
how will we fill that Olympic Stadium?), to qualify for Europe and keeping them
in the Premier League.
We owe Big Sam a huge apology! He’d never lose to Leicester…
I’ve kinda gone off on a sarcastic tangent there, sorry. As I was
actually saying. Things are exactly the same. In fact most of the players who
have played in our 3 league games so far are players that played under
Allardyce. We still don’t have much depth, in terms of attacking options in our
squad, much like under Allardyce.
So you can imagine, when I see all tweets from the West Ham
experts, after we’re shown, on that great factual representation of the
football that was played at 3pm on a Saturday that is Match of the Day (MOTD),
getting stuffed by Bournemouth; and I see that ALLARDYCE HIMSELF has been
brought in to do the analysis?!? I’m not massively happy!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. One of the worst things
about West Ham playing badly is all of the “experts” that come out of the
woodwork to tell us West Ham fans what’s wrong with our team. The “experts”
whose knowledge of West Ham is based on whatever 10 minutes of footage the BBC
has decided to show on a Saturday night to represent what happened over an hour
and a half period.
MOTD is BULLSH*T! I’ve said that before too. They don’t have the
time, nor the inclination (nor the knowledge sometimes). To actually show you
what happened in a game so they stick to a pretty familiar format for all of
their editing.
Team A won = Show all of Team A’s attempts on goal and all footage
that backs up that Team A were the better side; Team B lost = Show everything
that suggests that Team B aren’t that good; Player X scored = Show footage that suggests Player X was one of the best players on the pitch...
Obviously it’s a lot more subtle than that, but if you regularly
watch full Premier League games you’ll pick up patterns like this watching MOTD.
By the way, that’s not me saying that West Ham were the better
team against Leicester and Bournemouth or that we didn’t deserve to lose
(although against Leicester I think we were a little unlucky based on the 2nd half). My point is that you get all
these people that have watched a bit of MOTD and all of a sudden start telling
you how you’re team’s going wrong and how Allardyce should have been kept on.
These are the same people that were probably slating him two years
ago when we were having a horrible time, and saying that we were playing too much long ball.
Because MOTD told them!
 |
| Smug faced twat! |
Because I do Sam. You smile, get all the laughs in now. You were getting
slaughtered by the very pundits and fans that are now suggesting that you’re
some sort of English Pep Guardiola. When you filled our team with rubbish like
Nolan, Roger Johnson & Joey O’Brien and left us short of strikers because
you put all of your eggs in the Andy Carroll basket.
Every dog has his day Sam. Today is yours! Sit there on MOTD
smiling (by the way every time I write that I’m expecting you to read
“Mo-te-de”)!
I can’t remember where I heard it but the other day somebody said,
“Teams that get rid of Sam Allardyce always get relegated soon after.” I’m not
sure that statement is as complimentary to Big Sam as was intended…
The Egg Chasing World Championships start in a few weeks time. Now
I’ll be watching it as I’m partial to a bit of “Rugger”. Union, that is, none
of that Northern, League rubbish. But there’s a few things that I don’t like
(or don’t understand) about Rugby.
Firstly there’s the random penalties. Now I know what a knock on
is, I get offside and high tackles, I’m not some sort of Rugger Simpleton. I
know how to chase egg shaped objects and how not to. But every so often when I’m
watching a Rugby match (I was gonna say “game of Rugger”, for comedic effect
but even I think that sounds too stupid to carry the joke on) the play just
stops for a random penalty?!? And have no idea what the hell is going on!
Even worse, sometimes the commentators are like, “That’s poor Rugger!
You can’t make those sorts of errors at this level!” Am I’m like, “What?! What
errors? Those dudes were Ruggering climbing all over each other a second
ago and it was cool! That guy literally Rugby
Tackled his opponent to get the ball, and that’s allowed! Now you've seen some
sort of infringement and decided to give a penalty, which will probably
lead to points being scored!” No idea?!?
Secondly, how can the World Cup be next month when domestic
matches are being played at the same time? You can’t have a World Cup at the same
time as domestic fixtures. Don’t the guys who weren’t good enough to make their
national team want to see how their compatriots are getting on? Won’t that
potentially take spectators/interest away from one (actually both) of the
competitions?
The World Cup should come after a domestic season. The players
should be released from club duty. Then people should moan about how late
certain players were released from club duty. That’s how it goes! It’s just not
Cricket (well of course it’s not, it’s Rugger)!
All joking aside, one of my biggest gripes is when Rugby (see, I
said “joking aside”) fans bash football. It’s cool. Both sports can exist! There’s
like this inferiority complex. Being somebody who EVERYONE knows is a football
fan, I get it all the time.
*Winey voice* “All footballers do is dive a roll around like little
girls…!” “Rugby’s a real man’s sport!” “The carry on even when their teammates are
down. You wouldn’t get that with those football softies…!” “The clock stops
every time the ball goes out of play… They only take 10 minutes at Halftime…
They only blow the full time whistle when the ball goes out of play…!”
Well bully for them! The sport is still nowhere near as popular as
football!
Footballers don’t all just dive and roll around, and I’ve seen
Rugby players feign injury! Ever heard of Bloodgate?
And as for this idea that footballer are these delicate little flowers prancing
around, pulling each other’s shirts. Have to ever seen the size of Cristiano
Ronaldo? He’s like 6ft 3” and pure muscle, but he looks like an average bloke
because, guess what, a lot of footballers are above average size and pretty
much all of them are in peak physical condition. I see a lot of Rugby players
that aren’t in the greatest of shape too! And just because Lionel Messi doesn’t
get his ears mangled by the opposition every week it doesn’t mean that the
sport he’s playing isn’t physical!
Stop trying to 1 up football! It’s cool, your sport is legitimate
too! Although why the hell are those guys playing their league match when the
World Cup Semi Finals are today? And why did he just award that penalty? That
was perfectly good Rugger in my books!
PS Why the hell are you purposely trying to kick the ball out for a throw?!?
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