Day 2 - Euro 2016 the ultimate 80s tournament

Fantastic free kick from Dier

We’ve been transported back in time to the 1980s for this year’s tournament! There are other British teams that have qualified (well done Wales, beating Slovakia, even if you messed my bet up); the tournament has 24 teams in it; and England fans are endearing themselves to the locals by smashing the place up and fighting anything that moves! Excellent!

I’m aware that Russian fans were as much to blame for some of yesterday’s scenes; and that innocent England fans were charged at by Russians at the end of our game. But if you’re a fan that goes to any game and causes trouble, especially with people that are just minding their own business, I think you’re a knuckle dragging moron! Sorry! Those days should be well behind us, why are people so retarded?! Just enjoy the football for f*ck sake!

Anyway. We drew. With a very average Russian side. I feel like even I may have been suckered into thinking England are better than they actually are this year!

Shout out to Albania, who look as good as I'd expected!

2016 European World Cup - day 1

Right here’s the deal. I aim to post every day during this year’s tournament, but each post will be under 100 words  (with the exception of maybe a special post here and there). I've unsuccessfully tried to impose word limits in the past. Currently unnecessarily eating into today’s! Eeeek!

Yesterday France won, everyone expected that.

More importantly we saw ITV’s opening credits for the first time. This is the one thing they normally always trump BBC at (except for in 2004, when the BBC had Basement Jaxx). If only they invested as much in their commentary teams!

Not sure what I think of this year’s. The animations are great but the tune isn’t THAT catchy. Not like their last two world cup themes or Italia 90/USA 94.

Yes I genuinely obsess over these things. I love major tournaments!

That’s 135! Arggh! Make it 150! Now I’ve got loads to play with... La La La!

Twas The Night Before Christmas...

I’m excited! There are less than 24 hours to go! I’m doing all I can to temper my anticipation. I watched Pescara v Trapani a few days ago (the first leg of the Serie B playoff final). It was like one of those moments that alcoholics recount in AA meetings, where they identify that they’ve hit rock bottom. “There was this one night, when I dug out a stream of Pescara v Trapani on the laptop. Filled my computer with viruses, but I didn’t care at the time. I just needed another hit. I needed to hear another ‘peep’ of a referees whistle. To see another player waive an imaginary card...” I jest. I wouldn’t actually normally watch the Serie B playoffs, honestly, not even me! It's Pescara being in them that made me tune in (they were in them last year too actually). They’re kinda my team in Italy. I used to follow Sampdoria, and still kind of do, largely due to the days when they had Gullit and Vialli. But despite them not being up to much since the early 1990s, I felt like that was a bit of a kop out. They were too good. Too big. I mean they’ve been in a Champions League final! I don’t root for teams that get to Champions League finals! It’s just not football! Not for 99% of the teams out there. Football is about disappointment. Not glory. Anguish! The struggle. Those fleeting moments of joy, which get your hopes up, but are ultimately followed by years of dismay. And that’s Pescara down to a tee. In the one season I followed them in Serie A they finished bottom, 8 points adrift of the next team up, 16 from safety, with just 6 wins and 4 draws to their name. That’s the sort of team I want to follow!

Away from the domestic football, which just won’t go away and accept that we’re not interested. The build up to Euro 2016 is almost over. There have been all the friendlies on TV, which has lead to the England hype machine being ramped up (saying that I think we’re better than we’ve been in years), and there’s also been the Copa America. Once again, much like the aforementioned Pescara game, I’ve found myself tuning in to dodgy streams. Predominantly with Spanish commentary, which I have to say makes the whole thing seem more exciting. This is because, for some reason no British TV channels have picked up this year’s tournament, in spite of its expanded format and significance. I managed to see the first half of Venezuela v Costa Rica the other day; like I said I think the commentary probably made it seem far more exciting than it actually was in reality. Other than that I’ve largely been relegated to watching highlights on my phone every morning, due to the absurd kick off times. Why can’t they just play in the middle of the day like they did in USA 94?

I missed Brazil battering Haiti last night, I’m assuming the result makes the current Brazilian side better than the 1974 Italian team. I love their goal (3:20) just because of the astonished star jump celebration that the member of the coaching staff does on the sideline. There was none of that last night! Haiti were on the receiving end of a mauling.

What caught my eye was the performance of the new Brazilian wonder kid Gabriel. I don’t know much about him, other than that he was good on FIFA 14 when he was like 16. But the bits I saw of him were impressive. He scored a good goal and came close to adding to his tally later on. That being said, I’m not sure he could ever live up to the great Brazilian striker Ronaldo. Not in my eyes anyway! Ronaldo is my joint favourite player ever (with Maradona and closely followed by Alessandro Del Piero). They guy was just unreal! Imagine a player with the skill of any of the world’s best number 10s, the pace of a dangerous winger and the finishing of any of the world’s most deadliest strikers.

Anyway, enough going on about Ronaldo, he’s not European. And he won’t be playing at the European World Cup. 24 teams, 30 days, one trophy. Before I go I want to touch on one thing. 24 teams. What is everyone's problem with 24 teams? I keep hearing, “They’ve messed it up... ...how will it even work?” Nothing has been “Messed up”. 24 teams is perfect. Allowing the best 3rd placed team to go through to the 2nd round means we won’t be robbed of anyone decent who is unlucky enough to fall foul of the quirks of a four team group where only two go through. If you don’t know what I mean, just consider this, it’s possible to finish 3rd in a 4 team group despite winning 2 of their 3 games. If you think that’ll never happen, see Argentina, Nigeria and Bulgaria or Holland Belgium and Saudi Arabia in 1994. It’s also possible to finish 3rd despite being unbeatable and winning at least one of your games, see Italy, Denmark and Sweden in Euro 2004! The team that lost out in that situation won the World Cup 2 years later, so their elimination was hardly a reflection of their ineptitude! Finally if you're over 33 and you can’t remember a World Cup with 24 teams, shame on you!! Especially if you’re a journalist, yep I’ve seen or heard well respected journalists talk about how confused they are with the 24 team format. I expect you to have at least have seen USA 94! If not Italia 90 and Mexico 86 (if you’re old enough). The fact of the matter is 2 or 3 of the finest World Cups in the colour television era have been 24 team tournaments.
IT WORKS! Stop trying to dampen my excitement or taint my rose-tinted childhood memories!

Anyway, I’m off! Pescara have just drawn the 2nd leg and will play in Serie A next year (it's taken me that long to write this)! I need to get to bed else Michel Platini won’t come down my chimney tonight and deliver me the penalty shootout/0-0 draw free tournament that I crave!

Hope he likes minced pies...

Farewell Boleyn! Hello 90s European Championships!

This has taken me the best part of a week and a half to write. It was all very topical when I started. Now I need to get it finished and posted, primarily because I've written so much I feel it would be a waste not to share it. Can't vouch for it being all that though!

It’s all over! The league title has been sewn up, thank god! And West Ham have played their last game at The Boleyn Ground aka Upton Park. It was a great game as well, with twists & turns and a thrilling finale. The scenes outside were reminiscent of the 1927 White Horse Cup Final. Thousands of people turned up without tickets and you could barely move for West Ham fans.

Then we had the trouble. I didn’t actually see it. I only actually found out that something untoward had happened at half time in the game. I’ve now heard from everyone I’ve spoken to since is that West Ham fans were involved in a riot, that we’re hooligans. I can safely say that we are not hooligans, well not 99% of us anyway. Obviously that’s not what you’ll be fed but hey ho!

I enjoyed the game, as I said earlier, but what I didn’t enjoy was the crush before the game. Even though I got to meet Joey O’Brien, he was sandwiched against me for around 20 minutes as we shuffled towards the stadium. The crush outside  was actually quite frightening at times. There were kids crying ,having to be carried by their dads, and a sense of apathy among the police officers present. A number of heated conversations took place between fans and the police, with comparisons being made with Hillsborough. I even saw a police sergeant bollock his whole team for sitting in a van and watching  on while mayhem ensued. This all seems to have missed the reporting from that night though?

Instead there’s been a huge focus on what a minority of individuals did with the United team bus. Thankfully nobody was injured outside, and we didn’t have another Hillsborough. But the whole episode brought to light issues that I have touched upon in previous posts. The dehumanisation of football fans, with respect to Hillsborough; and the lack of regard for the experience of the match going fan from the Premier League and other authorities. Why wasn’t the United game played the previous midweek, allowing the last game at the Boleyn to be at a reasonable time i.e. the previous Saturday afternoon when we played Swansea?

Aside from the negatives (I know I moan a lot), it was a great send off from a famous old ground that I hold dear to me. I first went to Upton Park in the early 1990’s when I would have been around 11 or 12. I’d been going to football matches since the late 80’s but never been taken to see the team I loved due to the stigma attached to West Ham, and English football at the time. Being a young, black boy, my parents weren’t keen for me to go to grounds renowned for rowdy, sometimes racist, fans. So my early match experiences were in the more tame atmosphere across London at Loftus Road (long story).

Believe it or not though, in well over 25 years of going to watch West Ham (including away games and cup finals), while I’ve seen the odd boozed up moron, which is something all clubs have, I’ve only ever once heard something that I’d consider racist (the deplorable hissing sound that some people think is funny to make when playing Spurs) and have never felt threatened because of the colour of my skin or for any other reason for that matter. Instead, I’ve made loads of friends and have built up a bank of wonderful, and painful, football related memories.

Maybe I was fortunate and caught the Boleyn Ground at the right time in its history. Maybe racists are cowards, as people say, and as a result nothing questionable was ever said in my presence. Maybe I was just lucky on the whole. Who knows? What I do know is that I’ll miss sitting in queues of traffic on the A13 or people outside Upton Park Station. Squeezing through the turnstiles, where my 10 year old season ticket card barely works (it normally takes about 5 goes before it’s recognised), almost banging my head on the ceiling above the urinals; and all the other quirks of our, far from perfect, famous old stadium.

I’m done talking about domestic football, the season is pretty much over and people are announcing European Championship squads. As usual there’s been a spate of pre-tournament injuries, which means we’ll be robbed of seeing the strongest squads in France. Germany will be missing Gundogan, Italy will do very well to get to the quarter finals with both Marchisio and Veratti missing from their midfield. We’re missing Danny Wellbeck, who might not be the greatest player in the world, but can bring energy and enthusiasm going forward, especially at times when you need a goal. Even the Welsh are missing Joe Ledly, who once again is probably no world beater, but will definitely leave them considerably weaker. Maybe I was just oblivious to it all but I feel like this sort of thing never used to happen, except for when we didn’t have Gazza for Euro 92.

Speaking of Euro 92, my obsession with major international tournaments of yesteryear took me back to watching clips from this tournament. I keep hearing people compare Leicester’s recent league title win to Greece’s triumph at Euro 2004. Whenever I hear this I’m prompted to remind whoever it is I’m speaking to about Euro 92. In case you’re not familiar, the eventual tournament winners, Denmark, didn’t even qualify! That’s right, back when I was a kid there was this country called “Yugoslavia” who weren’t bad, in fact they had a “golden generation”, which had previously won the World Youth Cup. They had qualified for Euro 92, and would have been one of the pre-tournament favourites; but then they went and had a civil war, which evolved mass genocide, and UEFA kicked them out of the competition. Denmark were selected to take their place as they had finished 2nd to Yugoslavia in qualifying. What a story! And this was before the likes of Peter Schmeichel were household names, well in the UK anyway.

I think he was actually a turnip even though a swede made more sense?!?

Barring the Denmark shock Euro 92 was actually a bit boring. Last time round I spoke about how you can often marry European Championships to World Cups in terms of tactics, players and even silly things like fashion. Well Euro 92 was most certainly married to Italia 90! All I can remember from England's group is low scoring draws. In case you didn’t know, we failed to get out of the group, and were knocked out by one of my most prevailing childhood memories ,which produced one of my favourite ever  bits of commentary (said by the great Barry Davies of course). On top of this, Greame “Turnip (or Swede, I think it was actually Swede as Sweden knocked us out) head” Taylor took Gary Lineker off in favour of the less threatening Alan Smith! Denying Lineker the chance to equal Bobby Charlton’s goalscoring record. Worst decision ever, especially considering we had a young lad on the bench called Alan Shearer who was much better than Smith. I think that substitution summed up both Taylor’s reign as manager and Euro 92, Smith was more functional than exciting (I’m being generous with that description) and never amounted to anything internationally.

Then there was Euro 96. Football came home! Baddiel and Skinner wrote the first incarnation of Three Lions. We actually won a penalty shootout (Rafa Nadal's uncle seeing his penalty saved by Seaman)! Our only victorious shootout so far. Euro 96 was a bit of a disappointment for me. I can remember being really excited in the build up. Two years before I’d experienced my favourite World Cup, USA 94. And the European Championships had now been expanded to 16 teams, the format used right up until the last competition. I had high hopes.

I’m probably being harsh. You had Suker’s hattrick, including a lob, against the defending champions Denmark; Poborsky’s RIDICULOUS scoop lob against Portugal at Villa Park; and... and that was about it! See it was rubbish! I’m not even having England’s performances! I remember the draw against Switzerland where we let them back into the game, the patches of average play against Scotland and a pretty uninspiring 0-0 with Spain in the quarter finals. Euro 96 is always the subject of much romanticism because it was played over here and because we agonisingly went out on penalties in the semi finals; oh and because of the aforementioned Baddiel and Skinner song, which is always associated with the tournament. But it actually wasn’t that great. Well I don’t think it was anyway.

That's enough for now. I need to go and indulge in more clips of European Championships gone by. Maybe I'll try and dig out that Spain Yugoslavia game from Euro 2000, with Alfonso and his white boots or Figo's screamer against England...

Bye!

Hillsborough, Tottenham and Euro 88

It’s been a while (as always), I’ve been meaning to post something (as always). Now I have tons to talk about. I’m going to try and be as succinct as possible. Here goes…

He's the sort of bloke that used to come out and complain about you playing football in the street

So straight off the bat, sorry off the bat is one of those w*nky things people say in work meetings like Starter for 10 and Let’s park that! No more w*nky office jargon. I’ll begin with the Premier League title race. It’s all but over now. Thank god! I was getting seriously worried Tottenham were going to win it. So worried I stuck £25 on them at 15/8 (would have won £65, including my stake). But they messed up, they drew with Tony Pulis’ West Brom this Monday and have now put Leicester in a position where they only need 2 points to secure their first (and maybe only, in my lifetime) league title.  I bet Pulis was so happy! He’s got that “party pooper” air about him. That, turn on the lights, “Everybody go home! Your parents have been called…!” look about him (I think I’ve stolen that from the Football Ramble? Not sure? If I have, sorry! I’ve just given you free advertising there anyway! And I kind of thought that before you brought it up!).

Anyway Spurs probably won’t win the league now and I’m delighted. There’s been a lot of Spurslike reaction to this too, “I bet all the mugs backing Leicester are happy now… Shut up Arsenal fans! At least we got this far…! It’s all a conspiracy (I’ve genuinely seen this)…!” This is my main reason for not wishing my fellow Londoners well. While I know some decent Spurs fans who are measured in their opinions on football, the majority of them show about as much humility in victory, as a 5 year old who’s just won a game of pass the parcel at their best mate’s birthday party! I genuinely fear for us all if that lot ever win the league. So come on Leicester! Pick up those two points so we can all breathe a sigh of relief.

PS genuine well done to Tottenham (as much as it pains me to say it), probably the strongest, but obviously not statistically the best, team in the country this season. Please revert to type next season!

Let’s move away from talk of the league (in case Tottenham do go and win it). As you may or may not know, this week in court, it was found that the victims of the Hillsborough disaster were unlawfully killed.

While this will never make up for the 27 years of hurt experienced by the affected families or bring back any of the 96 people that died, I believe it’s a step in the right direction. I’m always appalled by the when I read about the initial reactions of the police, politicians of the day and media outlets when I read the Hillsborough story; as well as the fact that the disaster happened in the first place. I think it strikes a chord with me as I go to watch so much football and see so many families and kids at games.

When I then read the sorts of comments made by the likes of David Cameron (don’t even start me on that guy), Margaret Thatcher and The S*n newspaper I’m infuriated. In what other world would families go out on a weekend to an event, to see something they enjoy, for entertainment; be killed as a result of negligence on the part of the event organisers and then be criminalised by politicians and the media. Yeah we had (and probably still have to an extent) a hooligan problem within football in the 1980s, but 22 of the victims were kids! Were these hooligans? Would The S*n/Thatcher have come out and said what they did had these been middle class families at the theatre? Or more realistically, 96 nightclub goers? It’s absolutely disgusting. In my opinion, anybody with a public voice who has attempted to trivialise the disaster and its effect on the families involved, or criminalise the victims should be held to account for their comments, no matter how long ago, and sacked! And I will never EVER buy The S*n newspaper (or even have it in my house), I can’t understand how any football fan would. Just my opinion, mind you.

On to a more jovial subject. It’s coming up to summer in an even numbered year, which can only mean one thing…! MAJOR INTERNATIONAL TOURNAMENT! The Mrs is already dreading it. I’ve given soft signals as to my unavailability between Friday 10^th of June and Sunday 10^th of July. I’m even going!! Yes! Italy v Sweden in Toulouse on the 17^th June. I can’t wait! Oh by the way, I forgot to mention what tournament it is, for any lay people who still read this (I fear those numbers have dwindled). It’s the European Championships aka the EuropeanWorld Cup (not The Euro or The Euros! God I hate that phrase)! It took a while for me to get excited for this one. I think that happens with every European World Cup, due to the more low key build up in the media compared to a “World” World Cup. But I’m well up for it now. And I’ve started my countdown doing what any self respecting saddo would do, scavenging and scouring the internet for info, videos & stories to add to the stuff I’ve already seen (or know) about past European World Cups. Just to top my really weird obsession, I’ve split my “research” by tournament and by week starting with Euro 88. I’ll get on to why in a minute but I’ve already f*cked this up because there are 7 tournaments for me to look at but only around 5 weeks until the tournament starts, saying that I probably won’t be that fussed by the time we get to the last few tournaments, although Euro 2008 was one of the best tournaments in recent years in my opinion.

So why start with Euro 88? Well if you’re a geek like me and know you European Championship history, you’ll know that pre 1980 it wasn’t much of an actual tournament. There was a long qualifying competition which resulted in 4 teams being left at the end to play the semis and the final. It all had a bit of a glorified Emirates Cup feel about it. I mean Germany (West pre 1992) didn’t even enter the first few. Then 1980 was an awful competition from all I’ve read, so awful that I can only just about remember the finalists and the score. Apparently it was dominated by hooliganism and low scoring matches and played in half empty stadiums. It will be of no surprise to some people to hear that Euro 80 was held in Italy (all though the low scoring thing doesn’t ring true nowadays, but that’s another subject). And then Euro 84, which by all accounts was a marvellous tournament, seems to have been wiped off the face of the earth in terms of any historical footprint. I think it’s because we didn’t qualify and everyone thought it was going to be as sh*t as Euro 80.

Then came Euro 88, and the game changed! First of all, amazing stat, Euro 88 is the only major international tournament (of the modern day at least) to have not had a single red card, own goal or knockout match decided by penalty shootout. Based on my hatred of penalty shootouts (bring back replays for big games), that’s a winner in my opinion. And Euro 88 looks great! By that I mean images of it, both still and moving. It’s not as bright and colourful as Mexico 86 but it’s certainly not as dark and dingy as Italia 90. I always think World Cups and European Championships can be married up to an extent, in terms of fashion i.e. kits, haircuts etc, tactics and to a lesser extent star players. Euro 88 was definitely more in line with the aforementioned, and historically popular, Mexico 86. It also shares the fact that missed it due to my being not that interested in football at a young age (not until the winter that followed, when I was around 8). God I wish I’d have started watching a year earlier! I think the mystique of it being a tournament that I missed, makes it all the more interesting.

Much like Euro 84 and 80, in fact any European World Cup, Euro 88 wasn’t our finest hour. England’s record at the tournament reads: played three, lost three, scored two, conceded seven! The key moments of the campaign being an opening match up with the Republic of Ireland, making their debut at the European World Cup (parallels with Wales this year?); and an epic battle with, the eventual champions, Holland, where Marco Van Basten sunk us with a hat trick.

I managed to dig out a video of the ITV build up, along with half time and full time analysis for the England v Ireland game, which in my opinion is hilarious due to the late Brian Clough’s completely dismissive, “We’re England you know!” attitude when speaking about the Irish chances of winning the game. In addition I dug out THE FULL official video of the Tournament (produced by Worldmark as always) Tor! Total Football, which is narrated by none other than Craig Charles. I must say I impressed myself with this find, it’s the height of “Geekiry”. I didn’t even realise European World Cups had official videos, if you’ve got a spare hour (and you give a sh*t) I can recommend it!

Right I’m off to immerse myself in Euro 92, which will largely involve me wondering why Graham Taylor subbed Lineker (he deserved Rooney’s record) and saying “…Brolin! Dahlin! BROLIN!” in my best Barry Davies accent.

That wasn't very succinct was it.

Chat sh*t get banged!

Twenty isn't plenty!

I was going to write about something else. I had actually started a post a few weeks ago all about that cheeky Barcelona penalty. It was full of talk of Respect and references to the song. It was great. It was funny! But I never quite finished it. And before I knew it, it was 2/3 weeks since the incident had passed; hardly an on trend topic to talk about. So now you’re stuck with this. This might not be as funny, saying that I feel the tone of my posts has changed recently, since I made the change. I’ve not really made reference to that, maybe I will in the future… maybe I won’t.

Anyway. Aside from being cryptic about stuff you probably couldn’t give a toss about, let’s talk current soccerball! Yeah!

It’s no secret on here that I have a West Ham season ticket, I’ve had it since 2004. What is that 12 years? Yeah something like that. Over that 12 years it’s risen and risen and risen in cost and I’ve carried on paying for it regardless. I got the thing in the first place because it was the most cost effective way of seeing West Ham play on a regular basis. And I stand by that.

Recently there’s been a lot of talk about ticket prices. Ticket prices and kick off times. Comparisons with what they do in Germany, comparisons with Barcelona season tickets, the rise of FC United and other fan focused clubs, Twenty is plenty, bla bla bla…

This week we had the Twenty is plenty “successfully” managing to get Premier League clubs to agree to capping away ticket prices at £30 (so Twenty wasn’t in fact plenty then). We’ve also seen Liverpool do a u-turn on their newly introduced pricing structure after 10,000 fans walked out halfway through a game and now I’m hearing talk of all sorts of Premier League clubs freezing their ticket prices.

That’s all great, it is honestly. But that doesn’t even scratch the surface in my opinion. I appreciate we don’t go to watch our teams in crumbling stadiums that lack adequate security, and that we can pretty much bring the whole family along to experience the drama of the Best League in the World (or “Most competitive” at times when it’s obvious that the standard is average). I appreciate that I don’t HAVE to go and watch West Ham or anyone for that matter. That I don’t have to pay Sky or BT or Setanta or anyone else who wants to reach into my pocket in return for showing me footage of the latest football matches. That as long as I continue to pay all or any of these bodies to consume the football they offer, I’m adding to the problem. But they still take the p*ss!

There’s no denying that. For example, I’m going to Old Trafford on Sunday to watch West Ham’s FA Cup quarter final against Manchester United. The tickets for this game went on sale before the FA had even decided what day the game would be scheduled for. So essentially, I and every other West Ham fan that wanted to go, had to make a commitment. A commitment to put whatever they had going on in their lives on hold on whichever day the FA decided to move the match to after we’d already committed to going. I don’t live in or near Manchester, most West Ham fans won’t. It’s 215 miles (shortest route) between the two grounds. Therefore going to Manchester would eat up the best part of a day, potentially a working one, according to the FA (it could have originally been scheduled for a Friday or Monday).

This sort of thing happens time and time again. Sky and BT move games to Saturday Mornings/Evenings and Monday nights at the drop of a hat. And we (match going fans) move our lives to accommodate them. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve rushed back from work, had no dinner, got in at midnight when I had work to get up for in the mornings. And then on top of all of this the clubs need a body to form to say to them, “don’t you think charging thousands of people more than £20 to come and watch you, when you make millions (if not billions) every year, and this income is negligible, is a bit much?” For them to respond, “Hmmm, OK we won’t charge more than £30! But that’s it… …OK we’ll keep our Season Tickets at their extortionate rates, which have risen well above inflation over the past 10, 20 years and just not charge you any extra next season, because it might look bad.”

In what other walk of life would you significantly inconvenience yourself, your friends and family; and pay money at a rate well over the odds to do so? It’s crazy. But we do it. And, as I alluded earlier, nobody forces us to do so. In fact we’re the only ones who can stop it. We’re the only ones who can cancel our Sky subscriptions, not subscribe to BT or whoever the new rival that comes along might be. Stop going to these games scheduled at time which cause fans to travel at ridiculous hours of the day and take time off work (TAKE TIME OFF WORK, let that sink in, lose income to pay over the odds for something?). But we won’t.

The reason why we’re even in this situation is because we’re slaves to football. This game. This sport; past time. Which took off as a thing to do (watching or participating) in our spare time on the weekend. Which became a form of entertainment for the average working man. An opportunity to gather with the rest of the community, to get behind our local team. Has turned into something similar to those con subscriptions, from which you can never get out. Like trying to leave a gym. Or like a drug that we’re hooked to, constantly sucking money from us. It’s like heroin!

I know this is all a bit dark, and not funny at all. I know I’m moaning yet doing nothing about it. I can’t help it. I’m trapped and they know it!

In other news, this week I was invited to participate in a weekly football podcast called Shoot The Defence. They've previously had me on the show ranting about West Ham (and raving about odd things like 1950's football). It was a pleasure being able to participate again. Give it a listen  (although it's a  few days out of date). Listen to Shoot The Defence in general, it'seems decent and they have a monthly segment where former footballer Leon  Knight basically tears into Arsenal for having no bottle, it's hilarious! Anyway  here's this week's show...

http://shootthedefence.libsyn.com/shoot-the-defence-premier-league-review-6

I'm off now! Where’s that Sky subscription telephone number I need to update my direct debit details…?!?

Chat Sh*t Get Banged Part II

I feel sorry for Gary Neville. He’s passionate, articulate, clearly a forward thinking bloke. Maybe the ideal football management candidate of all the ex-pro pundits that grace our television screens every week. It’s not working for him though. No wins in the league (I think they lost to Sporting Heehaw* on Saturday); then there was that result in midweek.

That’s when all the haters came out. The knives were sharpened, the funny memes were photoshopped. As were the not so funny ones, you know the Kermit the Frog drinking the iced tea, Kevin Hart and Bill Cosby pulling faces. They were all out.

The justification for it all? Well it was the notion that, as per my favourite quote/song of the moment, Gary Neville is guilty of “Chatting sh*t”. And those that “Chat sh*t” as we know, “Get banged” or memed!

And this is why I feel sorry for Neville. Firstly he has never “Chatted sh*t”. Well not in my opinion anyway. Like I said before, he has been refreshingly articulate, honest and erudite in his analysis on Sky Sports, and is a far cry from some of the other dross that we’ve had to endure over the years.

Secondly, I’m not sure who’s been following what at Valencia, but they’re in a bit of a mess this year. There’s a reason why there was an open position at Valencia in the first place. Why Valencia a club only behind Real, Barca, Atleti and Athletic Club in terms of success, the Spanish equivalent of Aston Villa in terms of history (and don’t be fooled by their recent displays Villa have a great history) have appointed an Englishman, with no previous managerial experience, the manage their team. The club is a joke at the moment!

I mean I’m not even sure Neville speaks Spanish, for my own amusement in my head he doesn’t. In my head he a Phil roam Valencia speaking really sloooooowly but loudly in their Mancunian accents trying to get the locals to understand what they want. Searching for a place where they can get a beer, eat some good old English food (none of that “foreign stuff”), watch the football (Premier League of course) and maybe do a bit of Karaoke in the evening. You know, the sort of place that has pictures of the food on a sign outside. And a menu in 4 different languages. And of course they’re doing all of this whilst incredibly sunburnt.

Anyway I massively digress. The point is, Valencia are a mess and have been a mess for a while now, before Neville came along. And this was Barca, not Stoke. They didn’t just get outfought or outthought in a tough midweek battle at the Britannia they got ripped to shreds by the best players that 3 of the 4 best nations in South America have to offer. By what could be argued to be the 3 best players in the world. It’s not like Barca have never done this to anyone before, it happens. It happened to Roma a couple of months ago. Madrid were shown up at home in El Classico. So what I’m saying is. Is Neville that bad, we don’t know. We won’t know until he manages a team that’s not in turmoil. Until he has a go in a country where he can speak the language fluently. If he takes a good side or a side with potential and makes them worse/doesn’t perform. Then yes he’s probably not a good manager.

For now, leave him alone. Stop banging him for “chatting sh*t”. And PLEASE stop posting that Sky Sports pic with that quote, it’s been proven he didn’t actually say that!

*I KNOW IT’S NOT SPELT “HEEHAW”!!!