But England aren't even playing (anymore) - Day 20

I’m still alive, unlike English football. My gap in posting began with me giving it a day or so because I thought I was “saturating the market” and then my hiatus went on and on.

As for England or English football. It’s in the same state it was in 4 years ago. Still trying to convince ourselves that the reason for our abject failure at another tournament was the manager, the cohesion of the players (although we can’t say the Lampard/Gerrard thing now), the referee, penalties, basically the same crap.

As opposed to facing up to the fact that our game isn’t good enough. That we’ve only once ever actually done anything at a major internationally tournament (if that raises an eyebrow, actually look back at our Italia 90 & Euro 96 performances/results). That our Premier League, while fairly strong, contains some absolute dross as well and that none of the truly world class players in it are English. That we’re still tactically inept, because we refuse to believe that we aren’t.

But we’ll never do that. So in 2 years (1 and a half if things get even worse), expect the same post!

More importantly, England's defeat robbed me of the opportunity to hilariously tweet Peter Andre and Kerry Katona telling them that, "Their boys took a hell of a beating!"

I'm off, now. I've got the rest of Poland v Portugal to watch.

This blog post on the subject of England's elimination is worth a read, in my opinion anyway!

I hate this bit - Day 9

Norway beat Brazil in that memorable classic from France 98

Today marks the start of the section of a major international tournament that I hate (probably not hate, but I don’t like it as much as the rest of the competition), the final round of group matches.

The first set of games is the best bit. Seeing teams and players for the first time in the competition, for the first time in 2/3 years or for the first time (in a competitive international fixture) full stop. There’s always a sense of, “Ooh [Major footballing nation] are playing tonight!”

Then there’s the next set of games. You’ve formed some opinions based on what you saw the first time around, which end up either being reaffirmed or shot to pieces. Some teams are eliminated, others cement a place in the next round. It has a purpose, and there is still an excitement.

Finally there’s the last round. Silly season. Some teams are desperate, others couldn’t care less. It’s like the end of every season when Sunderland turn into Barcelona and go on an 8 game winning run to stay up, with Borini playing like Neymar. This is the time, in days of old, where Brazil would give Denilson and Edmundo a run out, Holland would do the same with the likes of Zenden and France would start with the tracksuit-bottomed Lama in goal instead of Barthez.

Most of the games will now feel like testimonials. They don’t care, nobody does, unless you’re a team that regularly lives on the edge of the precipice that is elimination, like England or Spain 20 years ago. And in that case you’ll probably win anyway because Albania’s 2nd choice goalkeeper isn’t up to much!

Bring on the 2nd round! No penalties though!

Learning French, Fascists and Can somebody PLEASE stitch up Corluka’s head! - Days 7 and 8

Technically I’m keeping up with posting 150 words a day. Combining posts is helping. In my defence I wasn’t around yesterday.

I’ve finally been to a major football tournament! I mean I suppose you could count the Olympic football back in 2012, but it’s not quite the same. Yesterday I went to Toulouse and Saw Italy beat Sweden in one of the most disjointed and uninspiring games of football I’ve ever gone and watched. I’ve come to the conclusion that Italy would be better off with the original Pele and Eder up front even if they’ve both now got a combined age of over 130.

There’s been a lot of focus on fan behaviour (or the lack of it) and the threat of terrorism in France, but what I experienced yesterday was thousands of people of all ages and nationalities coming together to watch a (dire) football match. It was like a McDonalds advert! The only negative element in the crowd were a group of 4 or 5 Italian fans sat 4 rows in front of me, who proceeded to perform fascist salutes during the national anthem.

My initial reaction was, “Oh Lazio Ultras…” I’ve seen a lot regarding their links to the far right. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not silly and I know a little about Italian culture and some of the issues that the country currently faces in terms of ethnicity and attitudes towards it, so I’m aware that this isn’t just a Lazio thing. Additionally I know a little bit about fascism (I have a BA Honours degree in History), its significance in Italian history as well as the relationship that the salute, which was adopted by and has become synonymous with Hitler and the Nazis, has with fascism. As a result I didn’t necessarily think that they were racist or would have a problem with me, but it was definitely eye opening. If anything the fella behind them waiving an Algerian flag, might have drawn more attention.

For the record they were 4 Padova fans and one from Genoa (I’ve done a bit of research and even managed to find them on Facebook).

The real issue yesterday was my ridiculously poor grasp of the French language. I mocked Gary and Phil Neville a few months ago, stereotyping them as your archetypal Brits Abroad, shouting everything in English. I was no better yesterday! I mean obviously I wasn’t shouting in English, refusing to drink the water and insisting on eating chips because they’re “safe”. But I literally couldn’t communicate with any of the locals. It probably didn’t help that with Toulouse, not being a major tourist spot like say Paris, many people there don’t speak any English at all, and don’t need to. The upshot of it all is that I need to learn French, and useful French at that. Thanks to 3 lessons a week, for 3 years in my early teens, the best I can do is tell you my name, ask to borrow your ruler and say that during the summer holidays I went to the swimming pool. I need to sort myself out with regards to the French language. My German, on the other hand, is actually quite good.

Finally, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE STICH UP VEDRUN CORLUKA’S HEAD!! He cannot play another game wrapped in swathes of an array of bandages. At other point yesterday I swear he was wearing a water polo hat?!?

Some more pics from Toulouse...

Will somebody just let me watch the football!! - Days 5 and 6

Why does everybody hate the Sturridge dance? I love it!

It’s a real battle watching major international tournaments these days. I mean when I was a kid I could literally watch EVERY GAME. Maybe not the late ones during USA 94, I recorded them on VHS then played them on fast forward the following day up until each goal, but in other tournaments I was definitely spoilt.

The main problem is work. Especially when they (UEFA & FIFA that is) keep scheduling tournament games for the middle of the working day. I’m not being funny but both federations are pretty money obsessed, hence the choice of Russia and Qatar for the next two World Cups. Have they not worked out that by scheduling games at the best times of the day for the European TV market, they can attract even more advertising money? Stop these bloody 2pm games!

This year I’m missing the 2^nd half of the England Wales game. I know you’re probably saying to yourself, “Well if it was that important to you, why didn’t you take annual leave?” I normally would. In the past I’d never make such a rookie mistake. My holiday form goes in as soon as the draw is made. England games and opening games during working hours are totally out of bounds for work. Not this time. This year I’m moving jobs. I’ve already handed in my notice, as a result I have a reduced allocation of annual leave, and I don’t have any more days left! Arggh!

The tournament has been pretty decent so far. No 0-0’s. And no penalty shoot out’s (I know there haven’t been any knockout games, I’m being silly)! Albania have let me down, well not necessarily let me down but look like they’re going out, contrary to my earlier predictions. But Iceland lived up to the billing I gave them as did Portugal (in a way).

I’m off to Italy v Sweden tomorrow in Toulouse (I’ve probably mentioned it a few times already) and I cannot wait! Zlatan vs Italy!

Oh! And I was on Shoot The Defence again the other night! Thanks again for having me on, even if you did give me a hard time about Payet!

Somebody have a word with Jamie Redknaop! - Day 4

Write off the Italians at your peril. As an avid follower of Serie A, I had been saying for weeks that they wouldn’t amount to anything at this year’s tournament. The Injuries to their best two midfielders; lack of a decent striker (Why?!? Oh why?!? Did Conte not take Giuseppe Rossi?); and the performance at the last World Cup. It all spelt early exit to me. What do I know?!

I’ll tell you what I do know! Belgium are decent, but they’re nowhere near as good as everyone makes out. And I thought that before last night. In England people only rate the Belgians because they know all of their players due to the majority of the playing in The Best League in the World.™* I cannot for the life of me understand how they are ranked 2^nd in the World? Did FIFA just ask Jamie Redknapp for his views?

Speaking of overrated, Portugal are on tonight…!

*Most competitive league in the world at times when it’s obvious that the standard is pretty average e.g. after an early Champions/Europa League exit**

**This isn’t counting towards the 150 word limit by the way!***

***Neither is that…

Sorry non-football fans - Day 3

In all of the giddiness that has taken over in the last few days it has completely passed me by that Brazil were eliminated from the Copa America! IN THE GROUP STAGE! Despite them taking a pretty strong squad and thumping Haiti 7-1 the other night.

This is the thing when a major tournament is on. Everything else stops, even caring for other football. Major Tournaments do actually make me feel sorry for those who don’t like football. I’m sure that they couldn’t give a toss and that they might find my “pity” patronising. But what do they have?

I genuinely woke up on Friday morning feeling like a kid at Christmas. Last night, rather than thinking, “Urgh I hate Sunday nights...” it was, “Great! It’s Germany v Ukraine…”. Same for today, there was no, “Urgh! Monday morning...!” For today is an opportunity to watch Spain, Zlatan and Italy!

Much like Christmas as a kid, a major European tournament has no weekdays or weekends. For about a month, life just isn’t the same!

Day 2 - Euro 2016 the ultimate 80s tournament

Fantastic free kick from Dier

We’ve been transported back in time to the 1980s for this year’s tournament! There are other British teams that have qualified (well done Wales, beating Slovakia, even if you messed my bet up); the tournament has 24 teams in it; and England fans are endearing themselves to the locals by smashing the place up and fighting anything that moves! Excellent!

I’m aware that Russian fans were as much to blame for some of yesterday’s scenes; and that innocent England fans were charged at by Russians at the end of our game. But if you’re a fan that goes to any game and causes trouble, especially with people that are just minding their own business, I think you’re a knuckle dragging moron! Sorry! Those days should be well behind us, why are people so retarded?! Just enjoy the football for f*ck sake!

Anyway. We drew. With a very average Russian side. I feel like even I may have been suckered into thinking England are better than they actually are this year!

Shout out to Albania, who look as good as I'd expected!

2016 European World Cup - day 1

Right here’s the deal. I aim to post every day during this year’s tournament, but each post will be under 100 words  (with the exception of maybe a special post here and there). I've unsuccessfully tried to impose word limits in the past. Currently unnecessarily eating into today’s! Eeeek!

Yesterday France won, everyone expected that.

More importantly we saw ITV’s opening credits for the first time. This is the one thing they normally always trump BBC at (except for in 2004, when the BBC had Basement Jaxx). If only they invested as much in their commentary teams!

Not sure what I think of this year’s. The animations are great but the tune isn’t THAT catchy. Not like their last two world cup themes or Italia 90/USA 94.

Yes I genuinely obsess over these things. I love major tournaments!

That’s 135! Arggh! Make it 150! Now I’ve got loads to play with... La La La!

Twas The Night Before Christmas...

I’m excited! There are less than 24 hours to go! I’m doing all I can to temper my anticipation. I watched Pescara v Trapani a few days ago (the first leg of the Serie B playoff final). It was like one of those moments that alcoholics recount in AA meetings, where they identify that they’ve hit rock bottom. “There was this one night, when I dug out a stream of Pescara v Trapani on the laptop. Filled my computer with viruses, but I didn’t care at the time. I just needed another hit. I needed to hear another ‘peep’ of a referees whistle. To see another player waive an imaginary card...” I jest. I wouldn’t actually normally watch the Serie B playoffs, honestly, not even me! It's Pescara being in them that made me tune in (they were in them last year too actually). They’re kinda my team in Italy. I used to follow Sampdoria, and still kind of do, largely due to the days when they had Gullit and Vialli. But despite them not being up to much since the early 1990s, I felt like that was a bit of a kop out. They were too good. Too big. I mean they’ve been in a Champions League final! I don’t root for teams that get to Champions League finals! It’s just not football! Not for 99% of the teams out there. Football is about disappointment. Not glory. Anguish! The struggle. Those fleeting moments of joy, which get your hopes up, but are ultimately followed by years of dismay. And that’s Pescara down to a tee. In the one season I followed them in Serie A they finished bottom, 8 points adrift of the next team up, 16 from safety, with just 6 wins and 4 draws to their name. That’s the sort of team I want to follow!

Away from the domestic football, which just won’t go away and accept that we’re not interested. The build up to Euro 2016 is almost over. There have been all the friendlies on TV, which has lead to the England hype machine being ramped up (saying that I think we’re better than we’ve been in years), and there’s also been the Copa America. Once again, much like the aforementioned Pescara game, I’ve found myself tuning in to dodgy streams. Predominantly with Spanish commentary, which I have to say makes the whole thing seem more exciting. This is because, for some reason no British TV channels have picked up this year’s tournament, in spite of its expanded format and significance. I managed to see the first half of Venezuela v Costa Rica the other day; like I said I think the commentary probably made it seem far more exciting than it actually was in reality. Other than that I’ve largely been relegated to watching highlights on my phone every morning, due to the absurd kick off times. Why can’t they just play in the middle of the day like they did in USA 94?

I missed Brazil battering Haiti last night, I’m assuming the result makes the current Brazilian side better than the 1974 Italian team. I love their goal (3:20) just because of the astonished star jump celebration that the member of the coaching staff does on the sideline. There was none of that last night! Haiti were on the receiving end of a mauling.

What caught my eye was the performance of the new Brazilian wonder kid Gabriel. I don’t know much about him, other than that he was good on FIFA 14 when he was like 16. But the bits I saw of him were impressive. He scored a good goal and came close to adding to his tally later on. That being said, I’m not sure he could ever live up to the great Brazilian striker Ronaldo. Not in my eyes anyway! Ronaldo is my joint favourite player ever (with Maradona and closely followed by Alessandro Del Piero). They guy was just unreal! Imagine a player with the skill of any of the world’s best number 10s, the pace of a dangerous winger and the finishing of any of the world’s most deadliest strikers.

Anyway, enough going on about Ronaldo, he’s not European. And he won’t be playing at the European World Cup. 24 teams, 30 days, one trophy. Before I go I want to touch on one thing. 24 teams. What is everyone's problem with 24 teams? I keep hearing, “They’ve messed it up... ...how will it even work?” Nothing has been “Messed up”. 24 teams is perfect. Allowing the best 3rd placed team to go through to the 2nd round means we won’t be robbed of anyone decent who is unlucky enough to fall foul of the quirks of a four team group where only two go through. If you don’t know what I mean, just consider this, it’s possible to finish 3rd in a 4 team group despite winning 2 of their 3 games. If you think that’ll never happen, see Argentina, Nigeria and Bulgaria or Holland Belgium and Saudi Arabia in 1994. It’s also possible to finish 3rd despite being unbeatable and winning at least one of your games, see Italy, Denmark and Sweden in Euro 2004! The team that lost out in that situation won the World Cup 2 years later, so their elimination was hardly a reflection of their ineptitude! Finally if you're over 33 and you can’t remember a World Cup with 24 teams, shame on you!! Especially if you’re a journalist, yep I’ve seen or heard well respected journalists talk about how confused they are with the 24 team format. I expect you to have at least have seen USA 94! If not Italia 90 and Mexico 86 (if you’re old enough). The fact of the matter is 2 or 3 of the finest World Cups in the colour television era have been 24 team tournaments.
IT WORKS! Stop trying to dampen my excitement or taint my rose-tinted childhood memories!

Anyway, I’m off! Pescara have just drawn the 2nd leg and will play in Serie A next year (it's taken me that long to write this)! I need to get to bed else Michel Platini won’t come down my chimney tonight and deliver me the penalty shootout/0-0 draw free tournament that I crave!

Hope he likes minced pies...