Learning French, Fascists and Can somebody PLEASE stitch up Corluka’s head! - Days 7 and 8

Technically I’m keeping up with posting 150 words a day. Combining posts is helping. In my defence I wasn’t around yesterday.

I’ve finally been to a major football tournament! I mean I suppose you could count the Olympic football back in 2012, but it’s not quite the same. Yesterday I went to Toulouse and Saw Italy beat Sweden in one of the most disjointed and uninspiring games of football I’ve ever gone and watched. I’ve come to the conclusion that Italy would be better off with the original Pele and Eder up front even if they’ve both now got a combined age of over 130.

There’s been a lot of focus on fan behaviour (or the lack of it) and the threat of terrorism in France, but what I experienced yesterday was thousands of people of all ages and nationalities coming together to watch a (dire) football match. It was like a McDonalds advert! The only negative element in the crowd were a group of 4 or 5 Italian fans sat 4 rows in front of me, who proceeded to perform fascist salutes during the national anthem.

My initial reaction was, “Oh Lazio Ultras…” I’ve seen a lot regarding their links to the far right. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not silly and I know a little about Italian culture and some of the issues that the country currently faces in terms of ethnicity and attitudes towards it, so I’m aware that this isn’t just a Lazio thing. Additionally I know a little bit about fascism (I have a BA Honours degree in History), its significance in Italian history as well as the relationship that the salute, which was adopted by and has become synonymous with Hitler and the Nazis, has with fascism. As a result I didn’t necessarily think that they were racist or would have a problem with me, but it was definitely eye opening. If anything the fella behind them waiving an Algerian flag, might have drawn more attention.

For the record they were 4 Padova fans and one from Genoa (I’ve done a bit of research and even managed to find them on Facebook).

The real issue yesterday was my ridiculously poor grasp of the French language. I mocked Gary and Phil Neville a few months ago, stereotyping them as your archetypal Brits Abroad, shouting everything in English. I was no better yesterday! I mean obviously I wasn’t shouting in English, refusing to drink the water and insisting on eating chips because they’re “safe”. But I literally couldn’t communicate with any of the locals. It probably didn’t help that with Toulouse, not being a major tourist spot like say Paris, many people there don’t speak any English at all, and don’t need to. The upshot of it all is that I need to learn French, and useful French at that. Thanks to 3 lessons a week, for 3 years in my early teens, the best I can do is tell you my name, ask to borrow your ruler and say that during the summer holidays I went to the swimming pool. I need to sort myself out with regards to the French language. My German, on the other hand, is actually quite good.

Finally, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE STICH UP VEDRUN CORLUKA’S HEAD!! He cannot play another game wrapped in swathes of an array of bandages. At other point yesterday I swear he was wearing a water polo hat?!?

Some more pics from Toulouse...

From daily to weekly. Apologies

It would appear that I bit off way more than I could chew in saying I'd update this blog every day during the European World Cup. OK so I lied, it's not like I went a week without updating it...

Anybody that's paying attention, or that cares, will notice that that last statement is also a lie, it has been a week since I last put finger to button in anger on here. But now I'm back! And what a week it has been!

In summary...

Captain Cavemaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

England were almost single handedly beaten by a caveman. When the hell did Olaf Mellburg score goals? And when he does when does he get a brace, that would have been one hell of a bet!

In Group A Greece managed to do a "Greece Euro 2004" and sneak through at the expense of the Russians, despite the Russians clearly being the best side in the group and finishing with a much better record in the tournament than the Greeks?!?! What the hell is up with this head to head rubbish that UEFA are doing? Nobody knows what is going on. Were Spain and Croatia going to draw 2-2? Were Italy going out even if they won 10-0? Were Spain going to go through? The Italian players had no idea what they needed to do to throw the Ireland game, so they just beat them and went through to the next round. I'm joking by the way I don't buy into all that "Italians are cheats nonsense". They're no more cheats than anyone else. To be fair there is one thing I find more confusing than the logic behind "Head to Head" and that is, who is who out of Gekas and Salpingidis? I thought Gekas had scored twice but it turns out it was Salpingidis that got their goal in the Poland game. Gekas could end up with the Golden Boot at this rate...

These are two different guys I swear!

Another thing that I noticed in Group A were two hilarious names in the Czech Republic team. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who giggles every time the commentators talk of Gebre Selassie (the Czech right back) and how he's full of running... I'm not surprised he's full of running, you should have seen him in the 10,000 Metres in Atlanta!!

Watch out for him on the Czech right flank

And on top of that they've also got a guy in the side called "You're a Czech" (spelt Jiracek). It's almost as if he had an identity crisis and wasn't sure who he should represent at international level, so somebody had to remind him in his name. Thank god for him he's not from The Central African Republic. "You're a Central African Republican", would that fit on the back of a shirt?


In Group B the Dutch are out! I have nothing funny to say about that, they've ruined my chances in work's prediction competition, I had them as runners up! There's talk of dissent in the camp, in traditional Dutch style. Holland if you're gonna go all late 1990's on us you might as well get the De Boer brothers back, who can I say, are so inseparable they've got a joint Twitter account. Give it up guys! Those Ajax days are over, you're going to have to go your separate ways at some point in your lives.

England are through, and once again I'm left thinking, "Am I the only one who can see the cracks?" As mentioned before we let the Swedish caveman score twice, and we didn't look all that convincing in our victory over Ukraine (I've been told I'm not supposed to say "The Ukraine"). Our goal came from a piece of goalkeeping so dodgy that even Shay Given, Petr Cech and myself were shaking our heads while we watched it on TV. You know for the fact that the Sun will have some sort of "Woy" Hodgson pun tomorrow and will have proclaimed us the new all conquering Kings of the European World Cup!

So it's on to the quarter finals and the only thing I have left to say is, how defensive/aggressive is Roy Keane? Wow! All he ever seems to say is "Listen!" We're all listening Roy (apologies to those of you who follow me on Twitter, you'll have heard that one already)! If you think I'm exaggerating watch this. Make sure you listen!

Oh and Zlatan scored AGAIN!

European World Cup Day 4 England were playing (for once) but the weather wasn't playing ball

Let's not all get carried away (I know this will fall upon deaf ears) England did pretty well yesterday against France. This was the same France side that I have stuck money on to win the whole competition and that are 20+ games unbeaten. Well done England! Problem is, despite saying that nobody expects anything from England this year (rightly so), I still see in the media adverts where Terry Venables talks of us being "contenders" and Alan Shearer saying how we have an outside chance. I will reserve further, potentially scathing comments, til the end of the group stage, so far so good. I watched the game yesterday in a pub that I always try and watch England games in, with some old (and new) friends. Normally we've been very lucky when we go there to watch England in major international tournaments, in the fact that the weather is scorchingly hot and we can enjoy the big beer garden they have which is accompanied with a TV and BBQ. Yesterday things were different, much like Roy's England team, it was the most miserable June day ever, meaning we had to swap the big screen and BBQ in the sun for a couch inside. This did however give us a chance to earwig to chavs having a domestic in the pub at about 3pm (as you do), apparently the man whose voice bore a resemblance to that of Ozzy Osbourne had been sleeping around with Ladies of the night, much to the obvious disgust of his female partner, who also spoke in a manner similar to Mr Osbourne (nice lady). This incident aside the whole day, although enjoyable, was a little disappointing due to the weather, about as disappointing as seeing Jordan Henderson come on for the last few minutes of the game (some people in the pub booed).

Not bad for a flop

The second game of the day, and last of the first round of matches, involved co-hosts Ukraine. I didn't hold much hope for them doing anything in this tournament, which means they won of course, they and Sweden capped a first round of matches that I have found thoroughly entertaining from throughout. Zlatan scored again to put the Swedes ahead, although it counted for nothing in the end as Chelsea "flop"/General Legend anywhere else, Andriy Shevchenko scored twice to win the game for the host nation. Another good game and the big debate that came out of it was, although the consensus amongst my friends (not all friends, just schooled ones) is that Ibrahimovic is a good player, would you buy him if you were building a team? I'm 50/50 on the whole thing.

Day 4 Summary

In Roy (with an 'R') we trust, to an extent...

Hero(s)
There are multiple heroes again, Roy Hodgson needs to be given credit for the way England played. They didn't just resort to kick and rush (although they were fairly direct) and troubled France throughout the first half. Well done England! Andriy Shevchenko is the other hero, I gave his country little hope of registering a win this tournament and most certainly didn't think he'd be among the goals. He scored two very good headers and showed very good strikers instinct.

The familiar sight of Zlatan celebrating a goal, would he add value to your team though?

Villain(s)
Anyone who talks about 1966 or mentions England winning this years European World Cup, calm down it was a decent performance but there is a lot of room for improvement. Zlatan-bashers are also villains, how many more times does he have to do it for you to believe in him?? Oh and Ozzy Osbourne (the male one) from down the pub, why would you cheat on your lovely, fellow Ozzy Osbourne sounding, Mrs with a prostitute?!? Shame on you!

It's been a goalfest, especially with regards to headers

Bet of the day
All four teams to score. I'm telling you all now, if this tournament carries on in the same manner that will be a very good bet. It's happened every day except Day 3!