Good Start!

We're underway!

The day I dreamt of for the last 23 months has come and gone, and we're 3 days into a World Cup!

There's been drama. And goals, quite a few late ones too (no 0-0s so far). We've seen half of this year's qualifiers and I've already seen enough to have formed, or even solidified, some prejudices.

The opening game was a big surprise, World Cup openers tend to be fairly lean on goals. I think the scoreline was more of an indication of how terrible the Saudis are than the Russians are good. The ITV commentator was doing my head in a bit when he kept referring to the game as "Opening Night". Give it a rest, you're not adding to the drama, you don't need to!

Also ITV's (and BBC's too) opening credits were a bit of a disappointment. Yes even little things like that are important to me! After Sing Sing Africa and Braaaaaasiw Braaaaaasiw I had high hopes. For ITV that is, despite having the best commentary team and overall presentation, I'm always disappointed with BBC's opening credits (other than the Euro 2004 Basement Jaxx ones).

Spain and Portugal served up the best World Cup match I've seen in literally decades. You have to go back to the summer of 94 and clashes between Brazil & Holland, Argentina & Romania and Italy & Spain to find as entertaining spectacles in my eyes.

France and Argentina have both put in performances that reinforced my opinion that they are massively overhyped, in terms of the output that each team produces. A lot of people, who obviously haven't seen them in qualifying, look at the squads and assume that they'll both sweep all before them. This is not going to happen, mark my words! Argentina are woefully imbalanced and have been for about a decade; and France lack the cohesion to beat anyone half decent or even beat dross like Australia convincingly.

Don't even get me started on Nigeria. I didn't see their friendly with England, I was busy with my wife who was in the middle of giving birth to our twins (yeah they're making the football watching challenging); but the post match word was that Nigeria looked decent in the second half. Before tonight's game with Croatia there was talk of them being on the up. This is a lie! For a start they've got John Obi Mikel playing with the number 10 on his back. Forget whether he's actually playing as their creative player, surely they somebody else half decent who would've wanted that number? What about Moses? For me it's nearly as bad as Asamoah Gyan wearing number 3 and not playing anywhere near Leftback.

Finally there's Peru! Ahhhhh Peru I love you! Forget the red sash, I mean their's is a great kit, but look at the football. They remind me of Colombia and Chile from the last World Cup. Energetic, open and slightly naive. I'm afraid today's defeat to Denmark may have put them in an impossible position in terms of qualification from the group. Saying that they do have to play the same France side I've just rubbished!

Bring on Father's Day, which is essentially Brazil and Germany! I can't wait!

25 Things that you shouldn't do at or during the 2014 World Cup

I feel like every post I write starts with an apology for not posting in a while. I'm sorry, I've just been so caught up in the World Cup. I've actually started a couple of blog posts. I can prove it, I have the drafts. I'm not showing you my drafts though! You're not stealing my thoughts! You'll have to just take my word for it. While watching the football and fretting about when to do my next update I came up with this. Here's 25 things you shouldn't do at or during the 2014 World Cup.

1. Don't rely on the same core group of players you've had for the last 6 years now. Especially when you were taken apart in the dress rehearsal for the tournament a year ago. Holland and Chile will have a field day.

2. Don't hold a World Cup preparation camp months before the tournament and stress the importance of fitness if you're gonna be struggling a game and a half into the competition against Cost Rica

3. Don't underestimate the importance of the heat in this tournament. Croatia died against Mexico, as did Germany against Ghana and Bosnia against Nigeria. The heat has also been responsible for the encouragingly high goals per game ratio and some great battles in Extra Time. When was the last time you saw teams trading goals in Extra Time, it just doesn't happen nowadays. Expect a return to normality come next season and in 2018.

4. Don't leave two of your most prolific goalscorers at home, especially after one has worked so hard to get back to fitness and if one of the players you're going to take is renowned for blowing hot and cold.

5. Don't tell me that Cahill's goal was the best ever or as good as Van Basten's. It wasn't. It was good but there have been better at this tournament alone.Van Persie's header was better. So was Rodriguez's volley.

6. Don't turn up and play the same basic, technically deficient, kick and rush game that hasn't worked at EVERY World Cup except for one where you got favourable decisions cos you were at home, you'll get ONE point off of Costa Rica!

7. Don't blame the Manager if the above point happens. He hasn't made these players technically deficient.

What the actual f***!?!?

8. Don't turn up and row over bonuses (I almost wrote "boni", would the plural of bonuses be "boni") or force a money convey to be sent halfway across the world...

9. Don't try to elbow your opponent in the back WWF (I'm not saying WWE I was born in the 80's, sue me World Wildlife Foundation) off the top rope elbow drop style. I've watched a lot of football in my time. I'm not suggesting for a second that Song should have attacked Mandzukic in a more damaging way or condoning violence (especially serious assault) on the football field. But what on earth was that elbow about?!? Footballers elbow other footballers. As I said, it's not something I particularly want to see as it's can be very damaging. But they just don't do what Alex Song did, what was that??

10. Don't fight your team mate or your manager.

11. Don't think that an injured Cristiano Ronaldo can work miracles

12. Don't think Brazil are any good. They're not!

13. Don't talk about James Rodriguez as if he's come from nowhere and he's waiting to be snapped up by a big team. He cost Monaco €45m last summer, he's very much established as a very good player. The point of them buying him was to become a big team.

14. Don't refer to James Rodriguez as "James", it's "Ha-mez". It's not like "Ha-mez" is hard to say!

This is just stupid, I'm funnier than this!

15. Don't bite an opponent. Especially if you've got previous for doing so. You'll get caught and people will be making stupid social media memes for years to come.

16. Don't get in a fight with Honduras! They'll kill you!

17. Don't back Uruguay based on the fact that Luis Suarez plays for them. They're not that good, even when Cavani is on form.

18. Don't tell me the Ecuador v Honduras wasn't one of the most entertaining games of the tournament. Purely based on the lack of quality on show and the sheer rawness of some of the tackles.

19. Don't think that Greece can't sneak out of a group despite being pretty uninspiring throughout their 3 games. Euro 2004 & 2012 taught us that could happen.

20. Don't underestimate France, especially in Euro 2016. They've been bloody good, and this is without Ribery!

21. Don't let Klose break Ronaldo's goalscoring record. The man hasn't scored a goal from further than 12 yards out and most of them have come in group matches against lesser opposition.

22. Don't let the game pass you by when you're 1-0 down against the Germans in the Quarter Final. What the hell were France playing at?

23. Don't tell me this is the best modern World Cup, unless by "modern" you mean post 2000. I can't speak for 1986 as I didn't see it at the time but I've been told it was good. I can however assure you that at good as this tournament has been, it's still some way behind 1994. If you think I'm exaggerating go on YouTube and search Nigeria v Italy, Argentina v Romania, Sweden v Romania, Italy v Spain, Brazil v Holland there's loads! And as for the stars, Messi, Neymar and Rodriguez may have had good tournaments so far but they can be matched (if not surpassed) by Romario, Hagi, Stoichkov, Roberto Baggio and Brolin.

24. Don't hold out for a better "cash out" offer on your bet of Mexico to qualify when they're 1-0 against Holland up but defending a corner with just 4 minutes to go. Take the money and run!

25. Don't fall behind when you promised to do regular blog posts; with three games happening every day, you'll never catch up

Africans, Look-a-Likes and Prediction Competitions

Which Greek player is this?? Who knows?

We're 5 days into to the 2014 World Cup and, as I was saying on Saturday, it's been brilliant. There have been late goals and drama all over the show. We've seen almost everyone play once now, with the exception of Group H; containing, the lightest of "Dark Horses" Belgium (every man and his dog thinks they're going to do well, they can hardly be called dark horses). Can I just say, I don't think Belgium are going to be spectacular, I expect them to progress from their group but that's about it.

Anyway, away from the Belgium talk as I was saying it's been a fantastic tournament so far. England got off to an encouraging start, even if we did lose. We showed a bit of attacking threat against the Italians and made them uncomfortable for periods of the game. The bad sides to our performance were that we were a bit dodgy at the back and there were periods where our midfield couldn't get near Pirlo and Verratti; there was a sense that the Italians had us where they wanted us to be (and they did hit the post & bar and have a shot cleared off the line). I found it to be a thoroughly engrossing game, bring on Uruguay (who, by the way I said would struggle)!

There have been a couple of downsides to this tournament, the first is the game times. I'm not sure if I want more 5pms or 11pms? With the 5pms I basically have to rush home from work and miss the first 10 minutes of the game. Thank god I now work across the road from home, which is purely a lucky coincidence (that wasn't part of the search criteria when I was looking for somewhere to live). The 11pm starts are just as bad. Although I don't miss any of the action, I'm really struggling to stay awake. Speaking of staying awake, I totally messed up the 2am Ivory Coast v Japan game the other day. Not only did I fall asleep during parts of it, but each of my snoozes coincided with the time at which the goals were scored and then I ended up falling asleep on the sofa only to be woken up by the Mrs at 6am, who came it wondering why I hadn't come to bed. Worst was to come, having thought to myself, "Ah, it was a tad ambitious expecting to stay up until quarter to 4. It's not like England were playing..." I then awoke at some point late on Sunday morning to find that the World and his dog had actually  braved it and watched the full 90 minutes!! Even my dad was like, "What? You didn't watch Ivory Coast v Japan? Pfft!" Thank god there's no more 2ams, I couldn't deal with the shame...

The second negative point at this year's tournament has been the performance of the African nations so far. Now I can't speak for the Ivory Coast, as you know I was "catching some Zzzzs", but Cameroon and Nigeria were terrible in their first two games. Cameroon are taking the mick, the players had the cheek to refuse to board their flight to Brazil as they were in the midst of a row over player bonuses. If I was the FA I'd have promised them a huge bonus and then made it performance related! It's an absolute disgrace that a footballer needs to be monetarily coerced into playing for their nation at a World Cup. There are millions of people who'd kill to be professional footballers; then of the professional footballers there are thousands who'd kill to play for their national team, then of the national teams there are hundreds who'd kill to make it to the World Cup! These boys need a reality check! It's not like they're skint or hard up for cash! Especially after that woeful performance against Mexico!

The Nigerian FA could have done us all a favour and sorted out the Cameroon row by donating their players' bonus money to them. Because the Nigerian players certainly won't be earning any bonuses if their performances carry on in the same vein. The Nigerians were awful against Iran and the two teams served up the first (and only so far) 0-0 of the tournament. I hate it when commentators stereotype teams but I have to say the Nigerian performance was very typical of games that you seen in the African Nations cup, players charging forward, miscontrolling the ball so much that every second touch is a lunging tackle, woeful shots from 20+ yards out when a pass to team mates would have been more productive... arrgh!!

Best thing about the Nigeria game was the tweet below (I actually laughed almost to the point of tears):-

As mentioned about a million times before (I just can't get over it) this tournament has been refreshingly entertaining and high scoring. There is one downside to this however. That is that I'm struggling badly in the work Prediction Competition. I am running this years competition with another colleague and the stakes are high (there's £200 up for grabs for the winner!) and as a result I've had a chance to look at everyone else's entries. There I was scoffing at others for their lack of 0-0 draws and 1-0 wins, thinking I'd be around the top of the table and in with a shout for getting some of the cash... Goalfest!! Stupid heat!

You've probably noticed I like a look-a-like, I've had quite a bit of positive feedback for my Paulinho is Sri Lankan shout in my last post and as a result have decided to treat you with a couple more. Let's forget that half the Greek team seem to look like Demitrios Salpangidis (half is an exaggeration, it's more like one other player), does anyone else think that Panagiotis Kone looks like he should be some sort of cape wearing, old school villain. The sort that is the arch enemy of somebody like Sherlock Holmes, twiddles his moustache when he's about to do something "Villainy" and who cackles at the thought of the misery he's about to inflict on his victims... No? Just me?

I have images of him tying a damsel to some railway tracks

Forget that though, more importantly. You may or may not have heard that, David Beckham understudy, David Bentley (he even copied the first 7 characters of his name) retired from football last week and the age of just 29. Never fear, Mr Bentley will still have a steady income coming in as he seems to have taken up a post as part of the Chilean coaching staff (as seen during Friday's game against Australia).

Finally, Colombia have decided to tighten up their defence with the former West Indian cricket captain Darren Sammy. Well that's who I saw playing on Saturday against Salpangidis and that Dastardly Panagiotis Kone.

That's enough for today. Let us all enjoy Braaaaaaaaaziiil Braaaaaaaaaziiil against Mexico later! Oh and when did we stop taking goal kicks and corners? Pretty much every corner I've seen and been a short one and keepers never seem to boot the ball forward. Why wasn't this fashionable when I used to play Sunday Football, I hate goal kicks!

I'm back again, let's finish this shiz!

I've left  myself with a bit to do before the World Cup starts so you've got an update just over 48 hours since the last one. Why the hell am I doing this? I'm not a journo (you can probably tell that from my basic spelling mistakes). I can see that people are reading this stuff but to my knowledge nobody's demanding it?

Oh well, I am doing this. Let's cut to the chase, ditch the small talk and get down to the dirty business of talking World Cup history. Where were we? Oh 1990!

1990
1990 was the year I joined the party. I started watching football in the 1988/89 season meaning I missed Euro 88, so Italia 90 (the 1990 World Cup was in Italy by the way) was the first major tournament I ever saw. And you kids today don't know you're born. You've got YouTube, Sky Sports, BT Sport, ESPN, the Champions League (back then it was the European Cup and English teams were banned from it) and all that jazz. Back then in the build up to the tournament I think I saw a montage on BBC1 which lasted less than 5 minutes. And that was my World Cup build up.

Nearer the tournament somebody bought me a World Cup annual so I was able to have a look at some of the players that were going to be involved. The point I'm trying to make is that, come the opening game I knew next to nothing about Cameroon and actually pretty little about Argentina barring that Maradona was their main man. So while Cameroon beating the reigning champions 1-0 in the first game was a surprise to me, it wasn't until years later that the gravity of their victory hit home. To summarise, 1990 World Cup starts, reigning champions are beaten by a load of blokes that mainly played in the French 2nd division.

Argentina would struggle through the tournament but reach the final. Cameroon, on the other hand, would wow everyone with their colourful football, which was pretty raw at times, and almost beat us in the Quarter Finals.

Speaking of us, England did the best they've ever done at a World Cup, barring 1966 when we won it. But don't let the stat fool you. It was hardly a vintage performance. First there was the group stage. We draw 1-1 with Ireland, Holland and Egypt draw 1-1. Then we draw 0-0 with Holland, Ireland and Egypt draw 0-0. Finally we beat Egypt... 1-0 (Mark Wright header I believe), meanwhile Ireland and Holland draw 1-1 and as a result lots are drawn to decide who finishes higher of the two. To this day England's group in 1990 is probably one of the most boring groups I've ever experienced at a World Cup.

Moving on from the groups, England play Belgium in the 2nd round and score in the last minute of extra time to win 1-0. Then we play Cameroon and come back from being 2-1 with less than 20 minutes to go to win 3-2, mainly thanks to Cameroon's inability to win the ball off of their opponents without trying to kill them (like in the video above). We then move on to that Semi Final against the Germans, where they score from a heavily deflected free kick; Lineker saves our bacon near the end; Gazza fouls a German and gets booked meaning he'll miss the Final, if we get there; and we lose on penalties (the start of a tradition).

In the Final Germany beat Argentina 1-0 thanks to a penalty scored by their left footed, left back, with his right foot! The Final is pretty scrappy and the Argentines have two player sent off. Pedro Monzon becoming the first player to be sent off in a World Cup Final. It's also the first Final in which the losing team fail to score, since then there has only been ONE World Cup final in which the losing team has scored (2006) which tells you all you need to know about modern football tactics.

1994
The 1990 World Cup is widely regarded as one of the most negative and defensive tournaments ever (statistically it's the lowest scoring and it had the most penalty shootouts, joint with 2006 I think) but in my head it was great, probably because it was my first World Cup. 1994 was great because 1994 was great!! We were sceptical because football wasn't the number 1 sport in America (it was held in America by the way) and because England didn't qualify (that was a blessing in disguise, no Gabriel Clarke in the England camp reporting on stuff I couldn't give a toss about, while I'm trying to watch two teams that have nothing to do with England). What we got was a tournament played in glowing sunshine with big superstars like Romario, Roberto Baggio, Hagi, Stoichkov, Klinsmann, Batistuta, it was the best! There's been nothing like it since, nothing close!

Before a ball was kicked we got a chance to see some of the razzmatazz that the Americans could bring to the game in the form of an opening ceremony that many people remember very well. The best and  ost infamous moment of the whole thing being Diana Ross shanking a penalty, that was supposed to burst a goal open, horribly wide of the goal (be patient it's only about a minute and a half into the video).

This is the great Marco Etcheverry, I had genuinely forgotten what he looked like

In the football, Germany beat Bolivia in the opening game, Bolivia's star player, Marco Etcheverry came on as a sub, after much "bigging up" from the BBC commentator (I think it was the great Barry Davies), only to be sent off after a few minutes for striking an opponent. Italy started slowly (I think there should be an Italy Slow Starters/Defensive drinking game in this years tournament) losing to Ireland, narrowly beating Norway despite playing with 10 men for most of the game and then drawing with Mexico. Ireland just wanted to get some water on and make a sub against Mexico but the FIFA official was having none of it. Cue a massive row on the touchline while wearing mid 1990s style baseball caps. Italy, Ireland and Mexico all progressed from a ridiculously tight first round group, with Norway losing out on goals scored.

Romario was coolness personified, playing upfront for Brazil, he would spend most of a game doing very little and then burst into action as soon as the ball came near him. He and the baby rocking Bebeto fired Brazil all the way to the final, including both scoring in a 3-2 victory against Holland, which I missed because I was at somebody's 13th birthday party (England weren't even playing right?). Check out the BBC intro to the game, this was entertainment in its own right.

Cameroon proved they were a one hit wonder in 1990. They were terrible in 1994 and have been terrible in every World Cup they've appeared in since. They were so bad, one player, Oleg Salenko, scored 5 times against them in one game (a World Cup record). Nigeria, on the other hand, had a great tournament (and like Cameroon in 1990, would never repeat the same feat), they pushed Argentina close in their group match, beat Bulgaria, who eventually finished 4th; and were only beaten by Roberto Baggio carrying the the slow starting, defensive, Italians.

Maradona got sent home for failing a drugs test, after putting in two great performances in Argentina's first two games (he claimed it was treatment for a cold). Argentina then crash out in the second round to Romania, who like Bulgaria, were having a great tournament being led by their star player Gheorghe Hagi, they along with the USA and Switzerland knocked out Pele's pre tournament picks Colombia (that dude knows nothing, his endorsement is the kiss of death, no pun intended). Unfortunately, their captain Andreas Escobar scored an own goal and was killed by people linked to one of the Colombian drug cartels upon his return to Colombia.

Germany were dumped out by the Bulgarians in the Quarter Finals despite taking the lead through a dodgy penalty. And Sweden reached the Semi Finals, eventually finishing 3rd. The whole tournament was a success with the exception of one thing... The Final.

What the hell is Pele wearing? You would not catch Jogi Löw wearing that!

The Final, a 0-0 draw between Brazil and Italy was one of the worst World Cup finals ever (slightly better than 1990). The only thing of note that happened was some fella called Viola went on a few runs for Brazil (I've never seen or heard of him since) and at one point Pagliuca, the Italian goalkeeper, spilled the ball and it hit both posts. Other than that it was terrible. The only thing worse was Pele's Stars and Stripes tie that he is seen wearing during the Penalty Shootout that Brazil won. Nuff said!

1998
There were a couple of things that I've mentioned in previous posts, that were of note in 1998. The first was Scotland qualified for the World Cup, for the last time to date. And were promptly eliminated in the first round. The 2nd was Ronaldo. See Ronaldo was in the Brazilian squad in 1994 but he wasn't needed, what with Romario and Bebeto around. By 1998 it was his time. He was bang on form and considered the best player in the world. With his goals, Brazil, featuring Roberto Carlos, Rivaldo and Denilson (the ineffective stepover guy), reached the final. Surely they'd win right?

England were back! We actually looked half decent in 1998, comparatively speaking that is. We beat Tunisia and Colombia, fair enough we lost to Romania (thanks Phil Neville!) but genreally this was one of th better England performances at a World Cup that I've watched (except for maybe 2002). Owen scored that goal against Argentina (by the way, it's a good goal but please don't compare it to Maradona, he basically just ran as fast as he could then hit it). Then Beckham goes and gets himself sent off, the game finishes 2-2 and we lose on penalties.

Elsewhere France, the hosts (I'm really bad at this host naming malarky aren't I) playing in their first World Cup since 1986, win their group despite Zidane having a red mist moment and getting himself sent off in one of the games (where have we seen that before?). Then they score the first ever World Cup "Golden Goal"* beating Paraguay 1-0. Beat Italy on penalties in the Quarter Finals, after a 0-0 draw (see my footnote re the Golden Goal) and then beat Croatia 2-1 in the Semi Final thanks to Lilian Thuram scoring his only ever two goals for France in an outer body experience (his description of it, not mine).

Germany got dumped out in the Quarter Finals again, Croatia running riot against them. Holland got to the Semi Finals, beating Argentina in a bad tempered game thanks to one of the great World Cup goals, scored by Dennis "I ain't getting on no plane fool" Bergkamp. The Dutch were stopped on penalties (what!?! didn't anyone go for a "Golden Goal"?) by the Brazilians after a 1-1 draw.

So a it was a France v Brazil Final. Like I was saying before, Brazil with Ronaldo and co surely couldn't be stopped... Or could they? Well on the day of the Final Ronaldo has a seizure at the team hotel, some of his team mates think he's dying, but he recovers and even makes the Brazil starting XI (they rest Leonidas in 38 for no reason yet they play Ronaldo in 98 despite him suffering a pretty traumatic experience?). The whole thing leaves the Brazil team pretty shaken and that coupled with the fact that, in typical Brazilian fashion, they weren't the greatest defenders, Brazil are beaten 3-0. Zidane gets two headed goals from two corners and they get a third catching Brazil on the counter attack.

To be fair though, Brazil may not have won the World Cup in 1998, but they did make one of the greatest Nike adverts of all time.

*What a load of crap the Golden Goal was eh! In case you don't know what it is, it was a rule that said if a knockout game finished level after 90 minutes the two teams would play 30 minutes of extra time where the first team to score would automatically win the match. It was supposed to encourage attacking play and stop penalty shootouts but what it actually did was make teams scared of conceding a goal and create more penalty shootouts. FIFA are such idiots!

Since the 1990s the World Cup has taken a major dip so I'm not gonna go into great detail with the last 3 tournaments. Here's an even briefer summary of them.

2002
Hosted in Korea & Japan. Korea get to the Semis with some dodgy decisions. Ronaldo comes back with a vengeance and scores 8 (including 2 in the final). England aren't that bad, until Ashley Cole has his mind blown by stepovers. And Brazil won it by the way.

2006
Brazil are over the hill. Ronaldinho flops despite being the best player in the world. Germany are decent, despite being rubbish at Euro 2004 (they're the hosts by the way). Argentina look good, but then they lose on penalties to Germany in the Quarter Finals; they then start a fight because they can't take it (remember that phrase from school?). Italy win the tournament; taking, a very defensive, 6 forwards to the tournament (all of whom score on the way to the Final). They beat France who show that despite looking past it, there's still some life left in them.

2010

Terrible World Cup





...I'm genuinely not saying much about it. This was probably my least favourite tournament that I've seen. Spain won (there's something that happened).

Couldn't care less, rubbish World Cup