Supposed I'd better finish this

Posting every week was always gonna be tough. I mean, I'm no journo. I have a full time job, and other interests that take up my time. AND I've never even been into writing. In short it's a miracle that I even update this blog a few times a year. In my excitement for the the upcoming World Cup I started off at 100 miles an hour, posting like clockwork, every Sunday. Then it all fell flat. I was due to post two Sundays ago but I left it until the Bank Holiday. Then on the Bank Holiday I decided to leave it until the Tuesday. Then... Nothing. Then a week had passed and I was late. And now I'm here. Posting again. Two weeks late. It may not be as big a post as some of the others but I feel like it's my duty to share my excitement and impart some of my geekiness upon you all.

So what's been happening?

"Dr Charlton will see you..."

Luis Suarez is injured and has had an operation on his knee. But it's ok though, he'll be fit in time to play a significant part in the World Cup. The Uruguayan FA have confirmed this. Dr Francescoli has done a good job. I know what you folks in the know are thinking, I thought it as soon as I saw the name, "What a coincidence that the Dr that operated on him shares the same surname as one of Uruguay's greatest ever players Enzo Francescoli..." Well I've got news for you, it's his brother. Yep! That's right. Enzo Francescoli's brother performed surgery on Luis Suarez's knee. It's the equivalent of say Jack Charlton performing Wayne Rooney's hair transplant (he's gonna need as much hair on that meat head of his as possible in that Brazilian sun, that dude is not made for hot weather).

Speaking of injuries, a Ghanaian Witchdoctor claims he is behind Cristiano Ronaldo's recent injury problems. The best quote in the story for me was, "...I am very serious about it. Last week, I went around looking for four dogs and I got them to be used in manufacturing a special spirit called Kahwiri Kapam...." What the hell has that man done with those poor dogs??

Elsewhere the Germans are steadily undoing the good work that they have done in the last few years to put themselves up there as front runners for this year's tournament. Firstly, half the team are injured. But they can't really be blamed for that. Then, this they can be blamed for, a few of the players attend a sponsor's event (Mercedes) where they take part in a touring "race" with some professional drivers but they crash, injuring a spectator! On top of that Kevin Grosskreutz has been in trouble for WEEING IN A HOTEL LOBBY and on another occasion throwing a kebab at Cologne fans.

Meanwhile at England's hotel they've thrown away a ton of out to date food that I'm assuming they had been planning to feed to their guests. There goes our excuse for another clueless performance at a major competition...

In terms of our World Cup history lesson we were up to 1978 when I last finished off. We're now in territory where you may well have been born so I shall stop referring to sh*t that happened before we were born (I wasn't born until 1980 by the way so technically 1978 falls into that category).

1978
When I was younger I always wished I'd been around and old enough to have watched the 1978 World Cup. Mainly because of the images of the two teams coming out in the final to a load of blue and white tickertape. Now I'm a little older, I'm not so fussed about the whole thing. It all looks a bit dark and cold (to be fair it was held during the Argentinian winter), but as well as being literally dark the tournament had a metaphorical shade of darkness to it. Argentina (it was held in Argentina by the way, I keep forgetting to mention who the hosts of these tournaments are) was in the grip of a military dictatorship at the time. Thousands of civilians had gone missing, suspectedly at the hands of the government and even the main guy on the organising committee was killed a couple of years before the tournament (and you thought Qatar was dodgy).

As a result of the political situation in Argentina, Johan Cruyff, star of the tournament 4 years earlier, refused to participate in the tournament. On top of that, the circumstances upon which Argentina made it to the final were very suspicious; I'll talk about that in a second. Before we get to the final and 2nd round group stage shenanigans I'll start at the beginning. We, England, didn't qualify in 1978 (we didn't qualify in 74 either), Scotland did though. They were the British Isles' only representative in both the 1974 and 1978 World Cups, and they didn't disappoint! When I say that I mean they did actually disappoint performance wise. Oh in terms of performance Scotland disappointed a lot of people (most of them Scotch, I'd imagine).

Up until 1978 Scotland had qualified for 3 World Cup finals tournaments (1954, 1958 and 1974) and never made it past the 1st round, to this date their record stands at 8 tournaments 8 first round exits. For some reason, in 1978 the Scots, well their manager, thought they could win the whole thing. Now don't get me wrong, this wasn't the Scotland of 2014. They were decent and they could probably have got to the 2nd round with a little more good fortune back then, but winners?

So they release a song about how they're going to win the World Cup (you HAVE to listen to this) but then turn up and lose to Peru and draw with Iran. By this point, sponsors are tearing up agreements, fans are chucking bricks through the FA's windows and the whole campaign is just a bit of a mess. Then just when you feel it's going to get even worse, when they face 1974 runners up (and eventual finalists) Holland in their last group match; they win 3-2, which still sees them eliminated on goal difference, and score one of the best goals scored by a player from the British Isles at the World Cup in the process.

The whole thing was thoroughly entertaining. If by any chance you're interested is reading the full story in detail, I recommend the following link.

Such a motivational speaker

Scotland aside, Holland make the final again. And are beaten by the host nation AGAIN. The tournament has a first round, with four groups of four teams, which then moves into a second round of two groups of the four top two teams from the first round groups. You follow, right?

As Germany and Austria hadn't cheated Algeria yet (we'll get to that in a sec), there was no concept of playing deciding group or league games at the same time at the World Cup or in football in general. So the in the last game of their 2nd round group Argentina know that if they don't beat Peru by at least 4 goals, Brazil will make it to the final at their expense, as the Brazilians had already played their last game earlier that day. Just to clear things up, Peru were no mugs back in 1978 (ask Scotland), they'd won the 1975 Copa America (the South American World Cup ;-)).

But Argentina had a couple of aces up their sleeves... Firstly, the Peruvian goalkeeper was actually born in Argentina. Ok so that doesn't mean that anything untoward happened. I can hear you saying, "So what Travis?" But it didn't stop there. Just to make sure the Peruvians knew the score, El Presidente turned up before the game in their dressing room to give a speech emphasising the "Brotherhood" that should exist between the two nations. Argentina then went on a beat the 1975 Copa America winners 6-0, as you do...

In the final, Argentina beat Holland (minus Cruyff) 3-1 in extra time. The main points to take from it were as follows. Big row at the beginning about a Dutch player's plaster cast on his arm. Kempes, Argentina's hero in the tournament, scores. Holland equalise in the last ten minutes, then hit the post right at the end (oh, what might have been). Kempes bundles one in in extra time then another fella scores (can't remember his name) but by that point the Dutch had given up. The military government loves this all and uses it as part of their propaganda machine, they would stay in power until 1983 (I think it was 83, if I'm wrong I'm sorry, my Argentine history isn't the greatest).

1982
So this was the first World Cup after I was born and it was held in Spain (see, I remembered to tell you). 1982 was a time of change in terms of the World Cup, 24 teams were allowed to qualify instead of the 16 that had qualified from 1954 to 1978. England were back! We qualified for the first time in 12 years (we actually qualified for the first time in 20 years, we automatically qualified in 66 as hosts, and 70 as holders) and went out in the 2nd round despite not actually losing a game (stupid Kevin Keegan missing that header).

Italy gave all lazy pundits who haven't bothered watching them another stereotypical piece of "analysis", on top of calling them "defensive", to use for years to come, by starting the tournament slowly and eventually winning it (I've only seen Italy start one other tournament slowly, that being the 94 World Cup). I think I'm correct in saying, they didn't win a match until the 2nd round.

1982 was all about Brazil though, ask anybody over the age of 45, who the best team they've ever seen at a World Cup is and they'll invariably say that 1982 Brazilian team. I've already posted a link to the Eder's goal against the USSR (here it is again), on top of that there was Zico's free kick against Scotland, Eder's free kick against Argentina (technically Eder scored it) and this ridiculous move that led to Socrates (what a name) scoring against Italy. Pretty much every game they played featured a spectacular goal. However, with the exception of a 1st round group match against New Zealand, every game they played also featured something else. The opposition scoring. Often first too. Brazil had to come back from behind against the USSR and Scotland (who obviously went out in the first round) as well as twice against the Italians, who had decided to start winning matches instead of drawing them. But in their game against Italy they conceded one too many and ended up losing 3-2.

Germany got to the final against Italy but did so in unconvincing fashion. Firstly they had to cheat Algeria out of a place in the 2nd round by beating Austria 1-0. They'd previously lost to Algeria, both sides needed a German 1-0 win to go through on goals scored and their final game was played after the Algerians. As a result FIFA then introducd the rule that all last games of groups/leagues should be played simultaneously.

Just in case the Germans hadn't made enough enemies, their keeper almost killed (not an exaggeration) a French player in a semi final win that saw them come back from 3-1 down to win on penalties with a bicycle kick in extra time. Talk about drama.

In the final, Italy beat them 3-1 and were even able to afford to miss a penalty. The most memorable thing to happen in the game was Marco Tardelli's celebration for the 2nd goal. Oh and Dino Zoff became the oldest World Cup winner at 40 (he was their captain).

1986
It's widely believed that the 1986 World Cup was one of the best in the modern era. I still wasn't old enough to be that interested in proceedings (I was only 5). Couldn't have been that great if it couldn't tear me away from cartoons.

Stupid internet didn't have the photo! It' the one where he pulls his shirt over his face. This is the best I could find

Italy, the holders, weren't great in 1986. They got off to too slow a start and were a little too defensive... England started slowly, we made a meal out of a group containing Portugal (who weren't the same as the Figo/Ronaldo Portugals we're familiar with), Morocco and Poland. Ray Wilkins got sent off for throwing the ball at the ref, giving European Club Soccer on the SEGA Mega Drive, an image to use when you got knocked out (I can't find an example online!!!). And Bryan Ronbson dislocated his shoulder, that's what you get for such a blatant display of nepotism Bobby!* Gary Lineker saved us and scored five times to get us to the Quarter Finals and that kinda where things kicked off.

So in 1978 Argentina had this 17 year old kid who everyone had been raving about, but they leave him out of the squad. Didn't need him considering they had the Generalissimo giving "inspirational" talks to the opposition. Then in 1982 they take the wonder kid, now 21, but he gets kicked all over the place and eventually is sent off in a crucial game for lashing out. I'm talking about Diego Maradona, I'm assuming you've all heard of him, even the non-football fans. Maradona was the best footballer that has ever existed, in my eyes, and in 1986 he was nearing the height of his powers.

Argentina played England in the Quarter Finals in 1986. Maradona had already had a few moments in Argentina's first few games in the tournament but in the game against England he singled handedly decided the match and gave an incite into two characteristics that would continue to be displayed throughout his career. The first being his willingness to bend the rules. I'm sure you've all seen it. Maradona goes on a run the ball gets flicked into the air by a panicking England defender and he jumps and punches the ball past the keeper. The whole thing is pretty outrageous and I just can't see how he got away with it. Then comes the second characteristic. Sheer brilliance. If you've not seen the 2nd goal he scores or if you're too partisan to appreciate it, I pity you. Genuinely. It's up there with Eder's goal that I talked about further up the page. I'm not gonna describe it, you watch it!

After dumping us out Maradona did it again against Belgium in the Semis and Argentina were in the final. Meanwhile the Germans, like in 1982, were quietly making their way through the tournament. They beat France in the semis again (France had knocked a decent Brazilian team in the Quarter Finals) and met Argentina in probably the most dramatic World Cup final ever. Argentina go 2-0 up and everybody, bar their manager, thinks they've won the game; but the Germans come back to make it 2-2. Rumenigge scores and produces the least celebration that a goal in a World Cup final has ever produced. Does that sentence make sense? I dunno, just watch the goal.

But Maradona has the last laugh, he produces an amazing pass for Burrachga to score the winner, lifts the trophy and then sings a song saying that Argentina are going to win the World Cup and the press are sons of whores while half naked in the changing rooms. I suppose it was better, and more accurate, than Ally's Tartan Army...


*I'm aware Bryan and Bobby Robson weren't related, that was a joke!