10 Things: Week 1 – 10 Things I like about football

So every week one of my blog posts is going to be a list of 10 things, this week I’ve started on something straightforward. These are the 10 things I like about, or in, football.

West Ham

Yep! I’m a West Ham fan, I currently live in East London but have only done so since October of last year. I spent the first 30 years and eleven months of my life living round the corner in Enfield (North East London to those of you not in the know) the stomping ground of many a Tottenham fan. As a result I cannot stand “that lot” but I won’t go into all that seen as this is post is all about the things I like about Football. Despite them being utterly useless at home this season; them not winning a major trophy since 5 months before I was born; them messing up their FA Cup Final ticket allocation in 2006 (I only got a ticket because I wrote a letter of complaint); despite all the disappointment I like them, that’s probably an understatement but like a child of a single mother whose deadbeat dad keeps failing to deliver on his promise of taking him for a day out, I forgive them every time and hope that this time I’m wrong! That this time the person opening the gate at the end of drive is my dad with a football in his hand! Come on dad! Win the playoffs and get back into the Premier League!

NB I mean no offence to single mothers or fathers or to their children. I also don’t really know where that metaphor came from as neither of my parents were a single parent. Please don’t hate me.

Everton

I like Everton, I know I’m not allowed to support another English team and I can guarantee I do not support Everton (although up until last year I had a membership and would go to their games in London if West Ham weren’t at home). It basically all started when I met my ex-wife many years ago, I can remember one of the very first conversations we had went something along the lines of, “I don’t really watch football, I suppose I’d have to say I support Everton as my dad does. He’s from Liverpool…” Fast forward a few years and she was a fully fledged fan who’d drag me to Everton games and was pretty knowledgeable, barring one occasion where upon seeing “DR Congo 2 - 0 Zaire” flash up on the screen during an African Nations Cup game she turned to me and asked, “What the hell is Doctor Congo?” Despite being mocked and vilified by my friends I still have a soft spot for Everton; for anyone who’s not big on Geography, to clear things up, it’s The Democratic Republic of Congo.

Athletic Bilbao

Can I just point out I liked Athletic Bilbao before they smashed Man United in the Europa League this year and everyone else jumped on the bandwagon, if anything the bandwagon jumped on me! Yeah! Is that even possible? I’m not sure how it all started? I think I used to just choose them on an old version of Pro Evo or something like that, but my feelings have developed to the point that I probably see more of Bilbao than I do of most English teams. For me there’s a romanticism/honesty about a team that only plays players from the region in which they’re based.

Foreign Football

I can't see!

Don’t get me wrong I love a good FA Cup tie on a muddy non-league pitch on a windy Saturday afternoon in January but I do like a bit of foreign football. I like how when teams score the crowd makes a different noise because they don’t say, “Yeah!” I like flares and big banners that cover half a stand but always think to myself, “what if you’re stuck in the middle of all that and want nothing to do with being under the banner?”, I’d probably be that person. I like when teams score a last minute winner and they jump over the advertising hoardings onto a running track to celebrate with the fans (maybe West Ham moving to the Olympic stadium won’t be so bad?). The Italian league isn’t boring and defensive. The Spanish league isn’t full of diving cheats (there are some), The French league isn’t… ok I don’t watch the French league, not even since Joe Cole’s been there, it’s just boring. Oh and the Scottish league, I reckon my Sunday team could compete in that!

The World Cup

The World Cup is the greatest concept in the history of mankind.  You know when you we’re at school and the teacher said you we’re going to play a game instead of having a normal lesson and everybody made that, “Yesssssssss!” sound. Well that feeling was nothing. That Christmas when you got that toy you wanted but had no idea that you were going to get so it was a total surprise… well it’s half the feeling I have when it hits about a month before a World Cup. The world is a different place every time a World Cup comes along, fashion changes, jobs change and football changes. Well I say that, some things don’t change. England turn up talking about winning it an emulating “The boys of 66” regardless of whether we scraped past FYI Macedonia in qualifying (I’m aware it’s “FYR”). Italy will be branded as negative even if they win every game by at least 3 goals and playing 3 up front. Brazil games will feature shots of random decent looking tanned girls in the stands and be described as having a “carnival atmosphere” and Argentina will play a game where somebody gets sent off. Love a good World Cup me!

European Championships

The European Championships are like Easter is to Christmas (although I actually prefer Easter, the weather is normally nicer) or like finding out that the game you are going to play in your lesson at school is going to be “educational”. They’re good, very good but it’s not quite the same. No “carnival atmosphere” for a start.

The Randomness of the African Cup of Nations

This had to get a mention, I’ve seen “Doctor Congo”, goats grazing at the side of the pitch, sending offs galore, penalty shoot-outs that last about 20 kicks… I’ve seen a game stopped after about 20 minutes because the referee realised a goalie was wearing the same colour top as the opposition but only after he caught the ball in a melee following a corner. Amazing competition.

Underdogs

I always root for the little guy; it’s what football is all about. I think it’s one of the reasons I like Everton and Bilbao. There’s nothing sweeter than pulling a victory out when you weren’t fancied at all. Let me say this though, I DO NOT like underdogs when West Ham are playing them! Aldershot! Sheffield Wednesday! Know your place and roll over!

Ronaldo (The real one)

That’s right, not the cocky, arrogant Portuguese dude that plays for Real Madrid, I mean he’s good but he’s not a living legend like THE Ronaldo. Can I just clear things up; Ronaldo must never be referred to as fat! Buck toothed maybe but not fat! I think it isn’t appreciated how good he was nowadays because a lot of people remember him being that chubby dude that struggled his way through the 2006 World Cup. Even then he still managed a trademark break away from the last man and do somestep-overs to go round the keeper goal against Ghana but his performances in that tournament were a far cry from those that tore both the 1998 and 2002 World Cups to shreds. And let’s not forget the “Carnival Atmosphere” whenever he played (and the Nike adverts).

Alessandro Del Piero

I’d just like to say, love this man! He is an absolute legend second only to Ronaldo in my eyes. I’d also like to say I’m not gay (nothing wrong with being gay but I’m not) however if I had to choose a man to be married to (we would NOT sleep together just live in matrimonial bliss) it’d be Alex D! He’s the man!

Notable other mentions that didn’t make the list

Spurs’ inconsistent form EVERY season

Arsenal

The song they play at the end of Barcelona games

Watching Uruguay

Diego Forlan (see above)

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Carlos Tevez

Romario

Ludek Miklosko, “He comes from near Moscow…”

Strikers that barely move but always score

Manchester City despite the money

In the beginning…

So what’s this all about? If you follow me on Twitter or you’re lucky enough to be a friend of mine on Facebook you’ll have probably noticed I say the odd witty thing or two and I'm prone to rant every now and then. I had the idea of writing a blog a while ago and spoke to a friend (who shall remain nameless) who was also considering writing one, but I faced a massive question when thinking of creating a blog, what the hell am I going to write about?? Especially what the hell do I have to say that people on the internet will want to hear? Well this first entry is going to kind of give an outline of what to expect from me on here and probably scare a few of you off.

Who am I? I’m Travis Nigel Newton, I included the ‘Nigel’ cos I like my middle name despite the fact that every time someone discovers it’s my middle name they say the same thing, “Nigel?? Really? Oh! …I mean it’s ok as a middle name I suppose…”. I digress (I do a lot of that) as I was saying, I’m Travis Nigel Newton and I’m a 31 year old divorcee from North London, I’m basically a black cockney Elizabeth Taylor, except for I’ve only been married the once so far. This is the bit where it gets interesting (I think) I consider myself an aspiring comedian. Let me manage your expectations, I’ve written down a fair bit of material and have done some open mic stand-up comedy a handful of times in the past year, HOWEVER I’m no Peter Kay or Michael Macintyre or even that other Macintyre fella that goes around exposing crooks. So expect many a cheap gag in here (there’s been a few already) but don’t hate me if I’m not that funny.

In addition to making comments to people that have the potential to tickle them I watch a lot of football and cricket, see where I’m going with this. So this blog will a lot of times end up being a brain dump of my observations and opinions on these two subjects especially football, hence its name. My aim is to post an entry on here two or three times a week and at times when I have a lot to say or there is a lot going on in my world then maybe I’ll treat you to maybe four or five entries.

On to the title of the blog, this comes from a phrase I hear every time there is a major football championship on, in other words every two years, and a friend invites me out or suggests watching something other than the football while there is a game on TV that I want to see (which is pretty much every game). My name is Travis and I’m addicted to major international football tournaments! I feel almost relieved to have got that off my chest, like an alcoholic at their first AA meeting, except for I don’t want to give up my addiction. No way! On top of my guilty pleasure, which isn’t even that ‘guilty’ I’m a bit of a geek when it comes to them. See I’ve got a degree in History, naturally I’m not doing anything directly related to it career wise like 99% of graduates, but my interest in History has made me a massive freak for facts and figures and on top of that I’ve got a ridiculously good memory. For example I can remember sitting in my mum’s living room in the summer of 1990 at the age of 9 watching Francoise Oman Biyik heading Cameroon into the lead in the opening game of the World Cup. I actually missed the goal because being a 9 year old with an attention span the length of Spurs’ current unbeaten run, I’d got up to go and get a yoghurt. I kid you not when I say this, I remember that game, I even remember that it was on ITV and that the first game that BBC showed it that tournament was Romania v The USSR the next day. That’s right The USSR to any kids reading this (pfft, like kids read these days, all they do is mug each other in hoodies for Pokémon cards), back when I was a kid they wore red just like in Rocky IV and had CCCP on their shirts, for years I actually thought it was a sponsor, and we were all scared of them cos they were evil communists who were going to launch nuclear weapons at us. In addition to all this they were pretty handy when it came to sporting events, maybe that’s what England/Team GB need this summer to be successful in Euro 2012 and the Olympics? A communist government! Anyway I’m massively digressing again, the point is I love all that stuff and treasure every memory like an old man handing out Worther’s Originals to his grandchildren. Who remembers Ray Houghton stunning Italy in 1994 on that Saturday evening or Zubizarreta fumbling that Nigerian cross into his own goal in 1998? I bloody well do, and let me tell you something about all the games I’ve mentioned so far, England weren’t playing in any of them. I’d have missed all of those moments had I restricted myself to just the games that England were playing in, don’t get me wrong, every so often you sit and watch an absolute stinker at one of these major tournaments, Bulgaria v Paraguay in 1998 WAS NOT a classic nor was Bolivia v South Korea in 1994 or any of Greece’s games in Euro 2004 (Greece were basically the international equivalent to Sam Allardyce’s Bolton side). That being said I can guarantee  anyone reading this who knows me well enough to invite me to attend a social event this June, you will need to give it some serious thought. I’m not saying I won’t attend, I’m not saying I won’t enjoy myself or that I’ll hate you. What I am saying though is “…but England aren’t even playing” is not a selling point!

Hope you enjoy my ranting…