I was lucky enough to get to Wembley and see the npower Championship Play Off Final Between Blackpool and West Ham. This is how my day panned out...
8.30
Wake up hungover and smelling of lamb doner kebab from my football team's presentation the night before. Not relishing the thought of going out and having a few drinks before the big game. Nerves 2/10.
10:45
Have to wake my flatmate, who is an absolute mess from the night before, as we need to be at Liverpool Street Station for 12:00. Find him upside down, topless, in bed with his jeans and shoes still on and a puddle of sick next to him. Very amusing, nerves 2/10 still as it has lightened my mood.
11:30
Finally leave home, it's actually quite a decent day, feel justified in not taking a coat with me. Flatmate is clearly still drunk and stumbling all over the place. In a case of mistaken identity (or actually a complete misunderstanding) he is accused of littering by some random crazy lady, she calls him a "pig". Even more amusing but the nerves are up to 3/10.
11:41
I receive a text from the Mrs saying she had unexpectedly encountered a large number of West Ham fans at Baker Street station. She's miffed as to why they are singing about, "Running round Tottenham with their willies hanging out." Nerves are down to 2/10.
 |
| West Ham fans take over Liverpool Street |
Arrive at Liverpool Street to find that it is absolute carnage. There are West Ham fans everywhere and the odd group of Blackpool fans mixed in with the general public, it's easy to identify any Blackpool fans as they are greeted by (tongue in cheek) boos from the crowd. There is an abundance of drunk under-age West Ham fans gulping from cans of unfamiliar branded cheap beer. I start off with a couple of shorts (beer is too fatty), nerves are right down at 1/10 as I'm relishing the atmosphere.
12:55
We head towards the Metropolitan Line Westbound platform, it is absolutely heaving and all we can hear are cries of "IRONS". How the hell am I going to get onto a train? Nerves are still at 1/10 I've pretty much forgotten about the game.
13:00 - 13:52
One of the longest and most uncomfortable, yet enjoyable tube journeys I've ever experienced. Wedged on a Metropolitan Line train from Liverpool Street to Wembley Park. I pretty much heard every West Ham song on a loop 4 or 5 times. Christian Daily had free reign over the wife of every man on the carriage. Nerves are 0/10, I'm more worried about Christian Daily going on a wife shagging rampage!
13:52
We walk down Wembley Way, never thought I'd be doing that with West Ham, finally there is a substantial number of Blackpool fans. We're taunted by a couple of 'meat head' blokes in orange but the crowd quip back with "Does your donkey know you're here?" Very amusing, nerves are back up at 2/10 as I can now see the stadium.
 |
| Decent view |
14:10
We're inside! We go out to check our view and it's decent, despite my initial reservations that it seemed that we may be too low (row 7). After a few snaps we're back in the concourse and I'm having a beer, I know they're fatty but there's no other option. Beer, burger and a wee and it's pretty much time to go to our seats. Nerves are up to about 6/10, come on West Ham, don't choke!
14.55
The teams are out and some girl is singing the national anthem. Since when did we sing the national anthem at Play Off finals? Would they have sung the Welsh one too had Cardiff gone through? Can we just start please I'm bricking it! Nerves 8/10.
15:00
Game on! I'm nervous! Nerves 9/10.
15:04
Blackpool hit the post! What the hell was Matt Taylor doing?? It all happens so quickly I barely had time to register it. Nerves still at 9/10.
15:35
Goal!! I don't rate him! I never saw it coming! Carlton Cole finishes well from a long diagonal ball from Matt Taylor. Forgive my lack of a more eloquent inoffensive phrase but I totally spaz out! The guy in front of me gives me big tens for some reason?? Think he'd found my constant moaning amusing. Nerves 7/10.
15:45
Half Time, 1-0 to West Ham. The most notable incident is the npower drummers and the dancing bear leading them (see above). What the...?!?! When did npower have a mascot? Why do they have a mascot, they're an energy provider?
16:00
Second Half starts, we always chuck away 1-0 leads... Man I'm nervous! Nerves 9/10.
16:03
Goal to Blackpool! 1-1 Arrrrrgh! Carlton Cole gives it away needlessly on the halfway line! For god sake West Ham, this is the story of our season! Nerves 10/10, we're going to lose!
16:30
Blackpool have had tons of chances! Every other word coming out of my mouth is a swear word, I've spat all over the guy in front of me through shouting and I'm hoarse! Nerves 11/10 (I know that's not possible), I'm convinced Blackpool are going to score. It's just a matter of time...
16:38
Nolan hits the bar! We've definitely lost this now! The footballing gods are against us! My voice has totally gone and I now sound like Alan Ball! Nerves 11/10 still.
16:44
Goal!!! Ricardo Vaz Te! I literally just shrieked like that guy who saw his van pushed into the river on Beadle's About. How long to go? Can everybody stop singing songs about going up please!! You're going to jinx it! Nerves 10/10, back down but still high as this is West Ham.
16:52
We've won! We are going up, say we are going up! Nerves 0/10, we're up! We're going to get pummeled by Stoke and Fulham and Norwich next year! Woooooooooooooooo!
17:05
Trophy presented! We're up! I don't get why we get a trophy? And get to climb the Wembley steps? Southampton had a better season and went up automatically and they didn't get all this, bit unfair on them. Ah well. Nerves 10/10 for next year!
19:45
The day's Championship related events have been forgotten, this whole season has just been a horrible nightmare which is now over. Can we please never get relegated again. Time to watch the Champions League Final...
 |
| What the hell is that hair about? |
My day obviously didn't end there, I wrote this post while watching Chelsea somehow win the Champions League. Two things to say regarding that, the first is that I hate Salomon Kalou's hair, what the hell is going on with that spider thing. Secondly Spurs will not be on Channel 5 next year as ITV now have the rights to the Europa League (the Europa League is better anyway).
We are going up! Say we are going up! We are going up! Say we are going up! We are going up! Say we are going up...!
No comments:
Post a Comment