Egg Chasing with Big Sam

So we're well underway now! Three games into the Season and it's a familiar feeling down at Upton Park. So familiar in fact that if you looked at our results at the beginning of last season under the tactical guru that is Sam “Allardichi” you’ll find we had made exactly the same start.

But the media won’t tell you that though. It was all rosy when Allardyce was in charge, we sauntered through the league disposing of sides like Leicester with ease. We were like the Barcelona of the East End of London. No actually scrap that! We were the Harlem Globetrotters, Adrian would spin the ball on his finger while the crowd whistled that Harlem Globetrotters theme. You know that theme. I’m whistling it now!

That’s it! Under Big Sam West Ham were the Premier League’s equivalent to the Harlem Globetrotters. I mean, we even qualified for Europeancompetition last year…

Now the wheels have fallen off. Now Slaven Billic, another one of those Foreigners, with his fancy ideas and lack of substance, has come in and ruined all the hard work that Big Sam did. And West Ham and their fans deserve it! That’s right we deserve it because we hounded Allardyce out when he was performing a minor miracle getting plucky little West Ham, who only average 34,000+ at home you know (just a thousand less than the likes of Sp*rs, I mean how will we fill that Olympic Stadium?), to qualify for Europe and keeping them in the Premier League.

We owe Big Sam a huge apology! He’d never lose to Leicester…

I’ve kinda gone off on a sarcastic tangent there, sorry. As I was actually saying. Things are exactly the same. In fact most of the players who have played in our 3 league games so far are players that played under Allardyce. We still don’t have much depth, in terms of attacking options in our squad, much like under Allardyce.

So you can imagine, when I see all tweets from the West Ham experts, after we’re shown, on that great factual representation of the football that was played at 3pm on a Saturday that is Match of the Day (MOTD), getting stuffed by Bournemouth; and I see that ALLARDYCE HIMSELF has been brought in to do the analysis?!? I’m not massively happy!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. One of the worst things about West Ham playing badly is all of the “experts” that come out of the woodwork to tell us West Ham fans what’s wrong with our team. The “experts” whose knowledge of West Ham is based on whatever 10 minutes of footage the BBC has decided to show on a Saturday night to represent what happened over an hour and a half period.

MOTD is BULLSH*T! I’ve said that before too. They don’t have the time, nor the inclination (nor the knowledge sometimes). To actually show you what happened in a game so they stick to a pretty familiar format for all of their editing.

Team A won = Show all of Team A’s attempts on goal and all footage that backs up that Team A were the better side; Team B lost = Show everything that suggests that Team B aren’t that good; Player X scored = Show footage that suggests Player X was one of the best players on the pitch...

Obviously it’s a lot more subtle than that, but if you regularly watch full Premier League games you’ll pick up patterns like this watching MOTD.

By the way, that’s not me saying that West Ham were the better team against Leicester and Bournemouth or that we didn’t deserve to lose (although against Leicester I think we were a little unlucky based on the 2^nd half). My point is that you get all these people that have watched a bit of MOTD and all of a sudden start telling you how you’re team’s going wrong and how Allardyce should have been kept on.

These are the same people that were probably slating him two years ago when we were having a horrible time, and saying that we were playing too much long ball. Because MOTD told them!

Smug faced twat!

And then there’s Allardyce himself. Is he for real?!? Sitting there grinning like a Cheshire cat as Lineker pours over the Bournemouth “analysis”. Does he not remember the end of last season? The 3 wins in 25 games? Does he not remember getting dumped out of the FA Cup in the last two seasons by sides who weren’t at all great, conceding 9 goals in two games!

Because I do Sam. You smile, get all the laughs in now. You were getting slaughtered by the very pundits and fans that are now suggesting that you’re some sort of English Pep Guardiola. When you filled our team with rubbish like Nolan, Roger Johnson & Joey O’Brien and left us short of strikers because you put all of your eggs in the Andy Carroll basket.

Every dog has his day Sam. Today is yours! Sit there on MOTD smiling (by the way every time I write that I’m expecting you to read “Mo-te-de”)!

I can’t remember where I heard it but the other day somebody said, “Teams that get rid of Sam Allardyce always get relegated soon after.” I’m not sure that statement is as complimentary to Big Sam as was intended…

The Egg Chasing World Championships start in a few weeks time. Now I’ll be watching it as I’m partial to a bit of “Rugger”. Union, that is, none of that Northern, League rubbish. But there’s a few things that I don’t like (or don’t understand) about Rugby.

Firstly there’s the random penalties. Now I know what a knock on is, I get offside and high tackles, I’m not some sort of Rugger Simpleton. I know how to chase egg shaped objects and how not to. But every so often when I’m watching a Rugby match (I was gonna say “game of Rugger”, for comedic effect but even I think that sounds too stupid to carry the joke on) the play just stops for a random penalty?!? And have no idea what the hell is going on!

Even worse, sometimes the commentators are like, “That’s poor Rugger! You can’t make those sorts of errors at this level!” Am I’m like, “What?! What errors? Those dudes were Ruggering climbing all over each other a second ago and it was cool! That guy literally Rugby Tackled his opponent to get the ball, and that’s allowed! Now you've seen some sort of infringement and decided to give a penalty, which will probably lead to points being scored!” No idea?!?

Secondly, how can the World Cup be next month when domestic matches are being played at the same time? You can’t have a World Cup at the same time as domestic fixtures. Don’t the guys who weren’t good enough to make their national team want to see how their compatriots are getting on? Won’t that potentially take spectators/interest away from one (actually both) of the competitions?

The World Cup should come after a domestic season. The players should be released from club duty. Then people should moan about how late certain players were released from club duty. That’s how it goes! It’s just not Cricket (well of course it’s not, it’s Rugger)!

All joking aside, one of my biggest gripes is when Rugby (see, I said “joking aside”) fans bash football. It’s cool. Both sports can exist! There’s like this inferiority complex. Being somebody who EVERYONE knows is a football fan, I get it all the time.

*Winey voice* “All footballers do is dive a roll around like little girls…!” “Rugby’s a real man’s sport!” “The carry on even when their teammates are down. You wouldn’t get that with those football softies…!” “The clock stops every time the ball goes out of play… They only take 10 minutes at Halftime… They only blow the full time whistle when the ball goes out of play…!”

Well bully for them! The sport is still nowhere near as popular as football!

Footballers don’t all just dive and roll around, and I’ve seen Rugby players feign injury! Ever heard of Bloodgate? And as for this idea that footballer are these delicate little flowers prancing around, pulling each other’s shirts. Have to ever seen the size of Cristiano Ronaldo? He’s like 6ft 3” and pure muscle, but he looks like an average bloke because, guess what, a lot of footballers are above average size and pretty much all of them are in peak physical condition. I see a lot of Rugby players that aren’t in the greatest of shape too! And just because Lionel Messi doesn’t get his ears mangled by the opposition every week it doesn’t mean that the sport he’s playing isn’t physical!

Stop trying to 1 up football! It’s cool, your sport is legitimate too! Although why the hell are those guys playing their league match when the World Cup Semi Finals are today? And why did he just award that penalty? That was perfectly good Rugger in my books!

PS Why the hell are you purposely trying to kick the ball out for a throw?!?

The State of Football: August 2015 – What is actually going on?!?

Prize fighter (Prize Fighters plural), Prizefighter – A Prize Fighter is a boxer who fights to win money.

I’m angry, like most other times when I’m angry, there may not be as much humour in this post. I’ve just watched West Ham’s Under 21 team, captained by the dynamo that is Kevin Nolan, spiritedly limp out of the Europa League, losing 2-1 to Astra Gobbledegook.

Yes Astra Giggedygoo! That fine side. Currently sitting 6^th in the Romanian top flight after a 2-2- draw on the weekend against… I can’t remember who, and I can’t be bothered to look it up either. They drew against a side who were obviously as good as West Ham are, seen as that result was all that we could muster a week ago when we played them at home with a side a lot stronger than our Under 21s (even if they were captained by Captain Fantastic, Stevie Gee MKII, Kevin Nolan).

I'm not even angry that Astra Gogglebox beat us. Well that’s a lie I am. But I'm not angry because I think that our Under 21s should have done better. I'm angry because of the attitude that we took towards the fixture.

By “we” I mean West Ham United as a club, well whoever has a say in picking the team; some (not all) West Ham fans; and the media over here in the UK.

Let me paint a picture for you: It’s the 16^th May 2015, a sunny Saturday afternoon in east London. West Ham United are at home to Everton in their last game at the Boleyn Ground of the 2014/15 season. Both teams, despite not having the best of seasons, are in with a shout of qualifying for the Europa League by virtue of having fairly good disciplinary records that season.

If you’re not sure the Europa League is Europe’s 2^nd most prestigious club tournament, after it’s bigger, more moneyed, brother the Champions League. It has been running for 45 seasons and has been won by many great players and teams. The winners of the Europa League are granted automatic qualification to the following season’s Champions League tournament. It’s kind of a big deal!

The prospect of playing in the Europa League is exciting to the West Ham fans in attendance on that sunny Saturday, so much so that there is considerable talk about West Ham’s chances of qualification and each Everton yellow card, there are 4 in the game compared to West Ham’s 1, is greeted with a cheer and the song, “You’re not going on a European Tour” (to the theme of the Beatles Yellow Submarine). While the singing and cheering has an element of tongue in cheek to it, make no mistake, West Ham and their fans want to play in the Europa League the following season; even if they don’t expect to get anywhere near winning the trophy.

On the 22^nd of June 2015 the draw for the 1^st round of the Europa League takes place. West Ham have qualified for the tournament based on their fair play record and are drawn against Lusitanos of Andorra. Lusitanos have been quite successful within their own domestic league and as a result have reached the qualifying rounds of the Champions League a few times; each time though, they have been comprehensively beaten by relatively weak opposition. So they’re no trouble, right?

West Ham sell out their 1^st round 1^st leg match at home and the talk is of us racking up a cricket (more likely rugby, cricket if you’re talking Australia batting in the 2015 Ashes) score, the bookies are only giving half decent odds on there being over 5.5 goals. This is going to be a glut, or a rout.

It wasn't.

West Ham win 3-0. Which, while showing that there was a considerable gap in quality between the two sides, is hardly an indication of a complete mismatch. It’s OK, we’ll get em’ in the 2^nd leg! The 2^nd leg a week later ends 1-0 to West Ham and one of our players is sent off. Now I didn't see that 2^nd leg, but in mismatches the better opponent should never have to exert themselves to the point that a player is sent off. Hmmm? Surely just a blip, who cares? West Ham are through!

 

Proved to be a difficult opponent back in Malta

Next up are Birkirkara. To this day I can’t pronounce that name. “Bir-Kaka”? “Bir-Kirk-Kaka”? God knows? What I do know is that they’re from Malta and Malta is not renowned for producing good football teams (although I recently watch Italy struggling against them in a Euro 2016 qualifier), these Maltese are gonna get it right…! The Andorrans got away, but not Bir… That team! They’ll be on the end of a hiding. Actually it was a 1-0 win secured in the last minute of the 1^st leg at home. Never mind, we’ll get them in the 2^nd leg in Malta right… Wrong! West Ham lose 1-0 and must play Extra Time and Penalties to get through. Penalties?!?

It was at this point that the grumbling began. “The Europa League is two bob anyway…”, “It’ll damage our league form…”, “Look at Sp*rs! All those Thursday/Sunday games have caused them nothing but problems…”, “I'm not sure I want us to get through the next round…”

 

Even better than Bir... Kaka!

Then came Astra Sirigu. I’d never heard of them. Me! I'm like the king of obscure football teams, I had to look these guys up (I’d never heard of the other two either by the way)! We’d beat them, but now that was a problem. Playing to win, in the 2^nd best club competition in Europe wasn't best for West Ham?!? So we play the first leg and draw 2-2, as I've already mentioned, with a relatively strong (or experienced squad). And then the floodgates opened. Not the goal scoring floodgates. They remained firmly closed. There was no danger of them being breached. The nay saying floodgates, “We've got to focus on the league, that’s our priority…”, “We've got Arsenal on Saturday!”

And as mentioned above, we went out. Astra Giurgiu (that’s their proper name, I owe them enough respect to write it at least once) beat us. Not on away goals, which was the threat going into the game. They scored more than we did on the night. Now we’re out.

We went from “We’re all going of a European Tour” on the 16^th of May to “(Sh*t! We’re not as good as we thought) I think it’s blessing in disguise that we’re out…” on the 6^th of August. The whole thing was over before it even began, partly because we weren't good enough; and partly because in English football we've developed this arrogance when looking at the Europa League and somehow people up and down the country, regardless of footballing allegiance, have written off the 2^nd biggest European club tournament.

Why? Because you get more money for being in the Premier League. So teams like West Ham should not focus on tournaments like the Europa League; for fear of exhausting their resources, losing games in the Premier League and not finishing high enough to avoid being relegated from it.

What has become of our game? This isn't football. Let me get this straight, “We shouldn't focus on the Europa League for fear of it affecting Premier League status”, “We definitely shouldn't try in the League Cup for fear of it affecting Premier League status”, “The FA cup is no longer taken seriously until you get to around the Quarter Final stage for fear of it affecting Premier League status” and “International Football gets in the way of the Premier League and tires players out”?

So basically, “If it’s not the Premier League, and therefore not gonna make you a sh*t load of money (even when you do badly), it’s not worth competing in.”

I repeat. What has become of our game? We’re trying not to win competitions just so that we can guarantee that we stay in the Premier League and continue to rake in insane amounts of money. Meanwhile, ticket prices are insanely high and replica kits cost an arm and a leg.

Are we watching a sport or competition to see who can grow the biggest company?

Mediocrity is now the name of the game as it brings the cash in! So by this logic West Ham should aim to finish in positions 1-4 (which is never going to happen) or 7-17 in the league thus avoiding qualification for the Europa League, THE 2^nd BIGGEST CLUB TOURNAMENT IN EUROPEAN FOOTBALL!

So what next for West Ham? The race Champions League places is already saturated, there are 6 teams realistically going for 4 spaces (you could argue 7 in years gone by with Everton). We aren't even good enough to properly qualify for the Europa League based on our league positioning. What do we do? The aim is to get better, which in turn will grow the club financially (the owners will be pleased to hear that), but how do you when the next step up is one you don’t want to take?

In my eyes West Ham, and other teams in a similar situation should be aiming for consistent Europa League qualification and performances, which would in turn attract a better calibre of player (not just half decent foreigners looking for an extra bit of cash, oh god I sound like Nigel Farage now!!) and mean that we could then strengthen and eventually challenge for the Champions League spots.

Instead we've become Prizefighters, not aiming to win any competitions, but happy to plod along playing Stoke and West Brom, winning some and losing some, and just doing enough to finish somewhere between 7^th and 17^th.

Amendment: Prize fighter (Prize Fighters plural), Prizefighter – A Prize Fighter is an English football club, which basically has no ambition other than, to play in and subsequently continue to play in, The Greatest League In the World ™ (AKA The Most Competitive League In The World ™ at times when it’s obvious that the standard is sub-par, AKA The Premier League) and continue to pick up cheques from Sky/BT.

In other news. The season starts tomorrow. Hashtag “Coyee” (#COYI), let’s go get that 17^th place…!

PS I already find James Corden to be a bit of a sycophantic "Try Hard" then he goes and does this… 

So pleased we're out of Europa League. pic.twitter.com/UbKw074Kld

— Jkcorden (@JKCorden) August 6, 2015

Dick!

Women's Soccerball! Rekindling Memories of USA94!

I know! I know! I've been away for a very long time! You know the feeling when you were 17 and you got back home REALLY late from a night out to find your parents, up, in the living room, with the lights on (but the TV off), waiting for you, just staring at you as you close the front door behind you...

I'm sorry!! I didn't realise the time! My watch stopped! Actually I lost it! We couldn't get any cabs from where we were and the nightbus took ages! But I'm home now. Safe and sound and ready to talk football (and maybe even life).

So let's just pretend that this didn't happen let's erase this sorry episode from our minds. West Ham didn't only win 3 games in 2015, which ultimately sealed the fate of 'Big Sam'. I mean 3 games?!?! And then all the idiots come out of the woodwork and start patronising us. "What do they expect?" "I suppose they wanted to play The West Ham Way! I mean, what is that? They've never been good! They should be happy with their achievements..."

That's right, non-West Ham fans, I should be happy that my team plays abject football week in week out, that in the last half of the season my team only recorded 3 wins against teams that were relegated or just about managed to stay up, that we got dumped out of the cup by West Brom and put up no fight whatsoever. I should be happy that it cost me roughly the same amount that it cost a Manchester United, or City fan, that's right the Champions, to watch that rubbish; and that I was sent a renewal reminder in February, FEBRUARY! Telling me that I had to renew by the 17th of April!! Last time I check the season finished in May (in years gone by we were asked to renew in July)! And that I must already start thinking about how much money I should fork out for the season after when we move! Maybe that's The West Ham Way? We won't talk about that, it didn't happen.

Anyway it's all my son's (my beautiful son, who I love regardless, may I add) fault. Just like me, he is a bad luck charm for West Ham. Now we weren't winning league titles and dominating Europe before I was born, but we'd won the odd cup here and there. The last such cup? 5 Months before I was born! And not a sniff of success since! Then this year we start off on a great run, beating Manchester City at home (ahh that's probably why our season tickets cost as much as theirs!!) and Liverpool, then my son, Noah (future West Ham goalkeeper and top order West Indian batsmen) was born. And it all ended! Oh well, like father like son. He'll have to get used to a lifetime of disappointment, Fortune's always hiding, and all that.

Better than Pele

Let's also pretend that Gerrard didn't retire from the English game and get a send off that would only really befit Lionel Messi when he finally hangs up his boots. What an absolute, Anglophilic (that's not a word I know), sycophantic, short sighted joke! I said before in a previous post, it tells you everything you need to know about Gerrard's perceived as godly ability that he has tailed off so badly in the twilight of his career. The man was a good player, consistent at doing the fundamentals of the game but heavily reliant on physical aggression to fluster average players into mistakes. As soon as his body didn't allow him to play that sort of game any-more, when he was then called upon to step back and show his true class in reading the game like so many other greats did at the end of their careers (look and Hoddle and Gullit playing sweeper at Chelsea, or Lampard in the last 2/3 seasons if you want to call him a great, or Giggs moving in from the wing)...

He was found wanting, so what did he do? He hit longer unnecessary diagonal balls, charged harder at opponents and basically made himself look over the hill. It's OK though because according to Sky Sports Pele was reincarnated, despite not even being dead, came back a bestowed his talents upon "Stevie Geee" who then took the world by storm. And now the game (in England and abroad) will be worse off for it. Except it won't. Liverpool will move on, of course they'll miss him, it's not like he offered them nothing, but they'll move on and English football will get another Gerrard in the next 10 years (I mean Gerrards are ten-a-penny in some countries) and he'll hit 50 yard diagonals and score 60 yard volleys in the last minute of the Cup Final against West Ham (hopefully Noah won't be in goal for them yet). But we won't talk about that, that's gone!

What we will talk about, the reason for me putting pen to paper finger to keyboard is, not a completely new experience to me, but at the same time something which I'm not massively familiar with. We're going to talk about the Women's World Cup! That's right Mum and Dad, I have something to talk about in a vain attempt to prove that I am sober, in spite of the smell of Barcardi Breezer (stick with me on the getting home late analogy). The Women's World Cup started on Saturday. And anyone that has read this blog before will know, I love a World Cup! And that includes European and Women's.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Canadaaaaaaaa!

As a result of my love for a Copa Mundial (that's Spanish that, I'm right cultured me!), this isn't the first time I've watched any of the Women's tournament. I have vague recollections of watching bits the last one on BBC Three, especially extra time in the final. But that's all, vague recollections, I've never sat and got engrossed in a Women's tournament they way I do the Men's. Well that was until a week or so ago.

I'm not really sure what happened? What clicked and made me think, "I want to see this..." But I want to. Ladies of UEFA, CONCACAF, CAF, CONMEBOL, AFC and Oceania you have my full attention for the next 4 weeks. And I'm a little excited. Here's why.

This kinda reminds me of a mixture of Italia 90 and USA 94, the first two Men's World Cup tournaments that got me hooked, bit like when you do drugs right? I've never really done or got drugs, and I'm not just saying that, I haven't. Not even tobacco. But what I've heard is that first "hit", that first "high" or "rush" is the best and those addicted to drugs are often searching, in vain, to recreate that feeling.

I mean look at that headband!

That's what this is, my drug is the World Cup, and this year's Women's tournament is giving the the mystique that Italia 90 had; in that back in 1990 as a 9 year old boy I knew nothing of global football. You could even argue I didn't know much beyond say West Ham and the bigger clubs in England. The World Cup introduced me to players with funny names like Marius Lăcătuș (I copied his name from a Google search there's no way I know how to type those characters), Francois Oman Beyik (what a header) and Claudio Caniggia. I mean Caniggia wore a headband! Not an Eric Young sweatband, which was weird enough, but an Alice Band style headband!! A man! A footballer! In 1990! It was all so exotic!

This tournament is a bit like that, I've heard of Jill Scott and Martha and Kaylyn Kyle (I remember her from the London 2012 tournament) but some of these other players might as well be Lăcătuș for all I know! So basically what I'm saying is Jill Scott is Steve McMahon, Eniola Aluko is Gary Lineker (except for he was a bit of a World Cup legend back in 1990), Martha is Maradona and Abby Wambach is... erm Butragueño?!?

Then there's the whole North American, "let's call it Soccer" spin that this tournament has. That's so USA 94 (the best World Cup I've ever seen in my opinion)! All the games seemed to be played in the brightest of sunshine and the goals rained down. Much like what has happened so far. There was also none of this group matches at 2pm in the middle of the day rubbish that we had with South Africa and Germany!

I say that but there are some really daft match times in this year's tournament. Most games seem to start around 11 or 12 at night; and the final, YES THE FINAL, is at 1am?!? FIFA clearly not thinking about their European audiences. This is why I have no interest in a World Cup being held in Australia, Korea/Japan was bad enough, and I managed to get through that by purposely not getting a job after I'd left University (well not until after the tournament). Never again!!

Then we had the curious scheduling that put the Ecuador v Cameroon game on while the USA were playing Australia? What?!? Somebody's missed a trick here! The World Cup isn't about the big games, I mean it is a bit, but half of the charm is in watching Marius Lăcătuș' Romania play Oman Beyik's Cameroon. With comical defending and insane fouls and players that's get snapped up by a desperate English club the following season off the back of one decent performance. Come on FIFA I need to see every game live where possible!*

As a result of the awful scheduling I find myself doing the EXACT same thing I did back in the summer of 94 every morning. The BBC have a catch up program on the red button channel (980 on Sky) and I end up watching that  to get my fix of the action from the early hours on the morning. It's all very Goal Morning America (god I can still remember that program now).

The one thing I will say about watching the Women's World Cup is that it brings out the inner Male Chauvinist in many of the people (blokes) I speak to about the tournament. I hear so many, "The standard is shocking...", "...it's not football...", "...They'd get battered by a non-league men's team..." comments I'm astonished. While I am in agreement that there are some things that happen in games that you would rarely (I wouldn't say never) see in the Men's game

1.  I'm pretty certain we don't all watch football because of the standard that is being played. Otherwise the Premier League would have lower viewing figures and nobody would ever watch any of the games in the Football League. In fact we'd all just be watching Champions League Semi-Finals involving Barcelona and Bayern Munich. While I appreciate that a better standard of football will probably attract a bigger audience a lot of the attraction in a football match is the contest between the two sides rather than the flawlessness of the game.
2. Some of the football on show is really good, fair enough it's slower and less powerful than the Men's game (and that is what the Men's game is all about, pace and power), but that's always gonna happen. It's the reason why Women's tennis is slower and has more returnable serves, why the Women's 100m world record is almost a second slower than the men's. That doesn't make either of those sports less of a contest when women play them.
3. The Women's game is about 20-30 years old. Think about that. If we watched a game of Men's football from 1900-1910 we'd probably laugh at how tactically naive they were and the technical flaws of the players would be obvious. I mean you don't even have to go back that far, look at the amount of space the like of Pele and Maradona are afforded in some old clips, there's no high pressing on defences and forwards aren't expected to track back and that's in the 1970's/80's after circa 100 years of development in the Men's game. They've had a third of that time at best. The players from the smaller nations have probably never played against professionals or in a big stadium. They don't have the exposure that their male compatriots would have had in the Champions/Europa Leagues. Fair enough they can learn from watching the Men's game, but due to to anatomical differences tactics and techniques will probably have differing success. For example can a Woman's team rely as heavily on the long ball game? How many big centre forwards do people have at their disposal? Is it the same for a goalkeeper flinging themselves low down on the ground in an attempt to stop a driven shot if they have a pair of breast impeding them (that's a serious point)?

It is was it is, in terms of a sport, and there's definitely some entertainment in there. If people don't want to watch there's nothing wrong with that. But because it's different it doesn't make it any less valid or entertaining as a competition. The tendency for a defensive error also has an 80's/90's World Cup feel about it. I long for the days when both teams always score in the World Cup final (that happened in every final up to 1986), when teams didn't just play for penalties. When football was't so sterile and full of smaller teams packing the midfield with 5 and Parking The Bus.

Rant over!

Finally, the one thing the tournament has had that directly mimics the Men's edition, and that I love, is great celebrations from African teams. The other night I was fuming when Sweden blew the lead twice, one of them when they were two goals up, to ruin my bet that I had on them winning and over 3.5 goals being scored. But then I saw the Nigerians dancing and I couldn't help but smile!

For some reason I can't find any match highlights that include the Nigerian or Cameroon goal celebrations so you'll have to take my word for it. "Probably because they couldn't beat Staines Town 2nds..." and so on.

Here's Pablo Armero...

And Asamoah Gyan (the King of World Cup goal celebrations)...

That'll do. I'm off to bed, Mum and Dad, I'll probably have a headache and be throwing up in the morning, but that has nothing to do with the consumption of alcopops.

See you soon!

*Obviously I know the last group matches have to be played simultaneously in the interests of fairness.